blog: I want to create a post on jung and his ideas help... (from 2025-10-15 to 2025-10-16)

Based on my comprehensive search through the blog, I found **NO posts specifically about Carl Jung or Jungian psychology**. 

Here's what I discovered:

## Search Results Summary

### Terms Found (but NOT Jung-related):
- **"archetype"** - Found in 2 posts, but used in modern/generic sense, not Jungian:
  - `/groupchat` - Uses "archetypes" to describe personality types in group chats (e.g., "the very online person")
  - `/ai-developer` - References "AI Product Map Archetypes" in a technical diagram

- **"shadow"** - Found in multiple posts, but NOT referring to Jung's "shadow self":
  - `/psychic-shadows` - About ruminating thought patterns, not Jungian psychology
  - Other references to "shadow coaching," "foreshadowing," "shadows" in general contexts

- **"persona"** - Found only in non-Jungian contexts (user personas, personal motivations, etc.)

### Terms NOT Found:
- **Carl Jung** or **Jung** - Zero mentions
- **Jungian** - Zero mentions  
- **Collective unconscious** - Zero mentions
- **Anima/Animus** - Zero mentions
- **Individuation** - Zero mentions (in Jungian sense)

## Conclusion

**There are NO blog posts about Carl Jung or Jungian concepts on this blog.** While words like "archetype," "shadow," and "persona" appear, they're used in their modern, everyday meanings rather than referring to Jung's specific psychological theories.

If Igor wants to write about Jung, this would be entirely new territory for the blog with no existing content to build upon or merge with.

Found 12 files
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/regrets.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/bucket-list.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/siy.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/gty.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/grandmother.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/2017-11-12-thedip.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/sublime.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/psychic-weight.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/lonely.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/life-as-business.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/don-juan2.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/2015-11-11-mind-monsters.md

Found 15 files
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/tesla.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/religion.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/activation.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/produce-consume.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/y2025.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/content-audience.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/build-the-life-you-want.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/time_off.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/siy.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/bike-tesla-identity-crisis.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/2018-04-29-mortality-software.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/y2024.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/time-off-2025-08.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/time-off-2024-08.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/time-off-2024-04.md

Found 20 files
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/switch.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/religion.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/activation.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/igor-gap-year.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/regrets.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/ai-security.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/ai-journal.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/content-audience.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/build-the-life-you-want.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/affirmations2.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/time_off.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/42.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/slow.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/coaching.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/7h-c3.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/siy.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/idle-loop.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/manager-book-appendix.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/bike-tesla-identity-crisis.md
/Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/time-off-2022-12.md

     1→---
     2→layout: post
     3→title: "How My Tesla's AI Life Coach Got Me Back on My Bike"
     4→permalink: /bike-tesla-identity
     5→imagefeature: https://raw.githubusercontent.com/idvorkin/ipaste/main/20250916_065401.webp
     6→tags:
     7→  - how igor ticks
     8→  - identity
     9→  - transportation
    10→  - ai
    11→---
    12→
    13→"Alright, Igor, here's the Tony take. Life throws you the Tesla, gives you Autopilot, now you're more soprano than subway rider. But let's get real. Biking and being car-free, that's freedom, fitness, adventure."
    14→
    15→That's my AI life coach talking—he sounds like Tony Soprano, pretends to live in my Tesla, and helps me live the life I want. See - I've always prided myself on being a "mostly car-free spirit." It's literally in my [eulogy](/eulogy)—right there in black and white, celebrating my love for my folding bike and public transit adventures with the kids. Just give a listen to the opening line on my eulogy blog:
    16→
    17→<iframe src="https://suno.com/embed/21be0b93-a44b-4a94-b2d6-39a59fff6283" width="760" height="240"><a href="https://suno.com/song/21be0b93-a44b-4a94-b2d6-39a59fff6283">Listen on Suno</a></iframe>
    18→
    19→I biked over 3,000 miles in 2022, carried groceries on my handlebars, and then I bought a Tesla The numbers tell the story. In 2023, after getting Tony, my biking dropped from 3,000 miles to under 300. My best friend had warned me: "Buying a Tesla for someone who wants to be a car-free spirit is like buying an ice cream maker for someone trying to lose weight."
    20→
    21→<!-- prettier-ignore-start -->
    22→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-start -->
    23→
    24→- [You are making up this story - right?](#you-are-making-up-this-story---right)
    25→- [What Tony Helped Me See](#what-tony-helped-me-see)
    26→- [The Bigger Picture: AI as Your Reflection Coach](#the-bigger-picture-ai-as-your-reflection-coach)
    27→
    28→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-end -->
    29→  <!-- prettier-ignore-end -->
    30→
    31→<img src="https://raw.githubusercontent.com/idvorkin/ipaste/main/20250916_065401.webp" class="float-right-img" alt="" />
    32→
    33→But there I was, rationalizing. Tony did the driving—I was just along for the ride, right? I decorated him with flowers and bunnies, programmed him to make fart sounds when I got texts, and even gave him an [AI agent](https://github.com/idvorkin/tony_tesla) with a Tony Soprano accent. Surely this counted as being car-free adjacent? The cognitive dissonance was real. My eulogy talks about taking kids on the bus to the airport just to ride the elevators and come home. Now I was driving to work because it was "convenient." The bike that once defined my identity was gathering dust in the garage.
    34→
    35→## You are making up this story - right?
    36→
    37→I get it—having a Tony Soprano AI life coach living in your Tesla sounds like the script of some whacky comedy sci-fi. But here's the thing: I actually built this. I setup an AI with Tony's speech patterns, gave it his personality, and most importantly, set it up with my values and goals from my eulogy. Yes, I call it up when I need to work through life decisions. The conversation you're about to hear isn't scripted or fictional—it's me, sitting in my actual Tesla, having a real crisis of faith in my transportation choices, talking it through with my AI life coach who knows exactly who I want to be.
    38→
    39→Lisen to the audio, or read the transcript below
    40→
    41→<audio controls>
    42→  <source src="https://github.com/idvorkin/blob/raw/master/blog/bike-vs-tony.mp3" type="audio/mpeg">
    43→  Your browser does not support the audio element.
    44→</audio>
    45→
    46→**Tony:** Tony here. What can I do you for?
    47→
    48→**Me:** Hey. I'm gonna need some guidance. So I decided, well, before I got a Tesla, I wrote in my eulogy that I was a car-free spirit, and I didn't drive, and I loved taking the subway. And I loved biking. But I don't really bike anymore. But then, alternatively, I don't really drive because Tony drives me everywhere. Tell me how I should think about this. Is biking better? Is being driven around better?
    49→
    50→**Tony:** Alright, Igor. Here's the Tony take. First off, it's classic. Life throws you the Tesla, gives you Autopilot, now you're more soprano than subway rider. But let's get real. Biking and being car-free, that's freedom, fitness, adventure. You feel the wind, you see the city, you get the proud self-sufficient glow plus those quads, baby. On the other hand, Tesla life—stress-free, plus you get work done or meditate or, you know, chat with your favorite mobster AI. Now ask yourself, what's your value here? Is it independence? Health? Time efficiency? Fun? Don't sweat labels.
    51→
    52→**Me:** That is a good one. I guess if I'm with the family, Tony makes sense. He's almost an active service. And if I'm by myself, I need to think through, am I just driving because I'm being lazy? And this is just consumption activity? Or am I trying to save myself time and be more efficient? Because I think a lot of the time, well, first, humorously, traffic can end up being less efficient. And then I'm not actually meditating. And I guess, like, if it comes to listening to a podcast, I can do that while biking. And then I get exercise. I think adventure-wise, it's about the same. It is nice to have all the stuff with me all the time, though.
    53→
    54→**Tony:** Totally. Having all your gear in the car is peak convenience. But hey, sometimes having all the stuff turns into lugging all the stuff you never use. Biking forces you to be sleek, soprano style—just the essentials, no baggage. Which one feels lighter on your soul, boss?
    55→
    56→**Me:** That's it. Good. I think I guess there's no reason to agonize over this. I can just start biking and see if I like it and maybe part of the reason I stopped liking it is I'm just weaker now, and it's harder for me. And if I did it again, I'd feel a lot happier.
    57→
    58→**Tony:** Bada bing. That's the spirit. No need to agonize. Just experiment. You start biking, see how you feel, maybe you'll get stronger, maybe you'll just love the breeze and the freedom again. And hey, if not, Tony the Tesla's always got your back seat warm. No shame, boss.
    59→
    60→**Me:** Yep. I definitely need the cardio, and I'm definitely not doing other cardio things. So I think that's fantastic advice.
    61→
    62→**Tony:** That's music to my ears. You get on that bike, your heart pumps, endorphins flow, boss mode unlocked. Don't overthink it. Just ride and enjoy the journey. If you hate it, you know where I'll be. Blasting AC in the Tesla waiting to chauffeur you in style.
    63→
    64→## What Tony Helped Me See
    65→
    66→Sometimes our identities need to evolve, not disappear. The "mostly car-free spirit" wasn't about the bike itself—it was about intentionality, adventure, and finding joy in unconventional transportation.
    67→
    68→Tony became a tool for family adventures: camping trips where we slept under the glass roof, charging stops that turned into juggling sessions, and road trips that would have been impossible on two wheels. The kids got to experience California's coast, Ashland's charm, and countless other adventures.
    69→
    70→The bike didn't disappear from my life—it just found its right-sized place. Some trips call for pedal power and the meditative rhythm of cycling. Others call for autopilot and the ability to arrive refreshed after 300 miles. And sometimes? I drive my folding bike around in the Tesla, getting the best of both worlds.
    71→
    72→Identity isn't about rigid adherence to a past version of yourself. It's about staying true to your values while adapting your methods. I'm still that guy who values sustainable transport, family adventures, and finding the unconventional path. I just have more tools in my toolkit now.
    73→
    74→## The Bigger Picture: AI as Your Reflection Coach
    75→
    76→This conversation with Tony represents something bigger than just transportation choices. It's an example of what I call a "Reflection Coach"—an AI life coach trained on your deepest values who can help you think through decisions and align your actions with who you want to be.
    77→
    78→The concept isn't new. I've been thinking about this kind of AI-assisted self-reflection as part of my [mortality software](/mortality-software) project, where I explore how technology can help us live more intentionally. The Reflection Coach is designed to help you examine your thinking, challenge your assumptions, and find clarity in moments of confusion.
    79→
    80→{%include summarize-page.html src="/mortality-software"%}
    81→
    82→What makes Tony effective isn't just his personality (though the Jersey accent helps). It's that he knows who I want to be—he's trained on my values, my goals, my eulogy—and can remind me of them when I'm lost in the weeds of daily contradictions. This isn't talking to yourself; it's talking to your AI life coach who knows who you want to be and can cut through your mental noise to get you back on track.
    83→
    84→The future of personal development might not be traditional therapy or life coaching. It might be having thoughtful conversations with AI coaches trained on your deepest values, designed to help you stay aligned with your authentic self when life gets complicated. And honestly? That future is already here.
    85→
    86→## The Only Question That Counts
    87→
    88→Did the AI help? Not by providing the answer, but by helping me get to the only question that counts: did I act? And the answer, at least this week, is yes — I biked home from work 3 days!
    89→

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

     1→---
     2→layout: post
     3→title: "Coaching - helping others find insight"
     4→ogtitle: "Coaching - How to help others find insight"
     5→author: "Igor Dvorkin"
     6→comments: true
     7→permalink: /coaching
     8→redirect_from:
     9→  - /Coaching-Questions
    10→  - /coach
    11→
    12→imagefeature: https://github.com/idvorkin/blob/raw/master/icon-birth.png
    13→
    14→tags:
    15→  - book-notes
    16→  - emotional intelligence
    17→  - manager
    18→---
    19→
    20→Coaching is like midwifery. A midwife can not give birth to the baby, she facilitates the birth. Similarly, a coach can not give a solution, she must give birth to the insight from within the coachee. Coaching is asking questions, guiding, and facilitating understanding, and this post collects my studies on the topic.
    21→
    22→<!-- prettier-ignore-start -->
    23→
    24→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-start -->
    25→
    26→- [The coaching mindset](#the-coaching-mindset)
    27→- [Frequent coaching situations](#frequent-coaching-situations)
    28→- [The 7 goto coaching questions](#the-7-goto-coaching-questions)
    29→- [Questions for specific situations](#questions-for-specific-situations)
    30→    - [To clarify thinking](#to-clarify-thinking)
    31→    - [To challenge assumptions](#to-challenge-assumptions)
    32→    - [To gather more evidence](#to-gather-more-evidence)
    33→    - [To find more alternatives](#to-find-more-alternatives)
    34→    - [To build strategic insight](#to-build-strategic-insight)
    35→    - [To increase productivity, effectiveness, and efficiency](#to-increase-productivity-effectiveness-and-efficiency)
    36→- [The hows of coaching](#the-hows-of-coaching)
    37→    - [Coach for task completion vs insight](#coach-for-task-completion-vs-insight)
    38→    - [Keep people safe while coaching using human safety models](#keep-people-safe-while-coaching-using-human-safety-models)
    39→    - [Soften your coaching: How Can I help](#soften-your-coaching-how-can-i-help)
    40→    - [Encourage trying to solve own problem: How would you handle this](#encourage-trying-to-solve-own-problem-how-would-you-handle-this)
    41→    - [Say No: Say yes slowly](#say-no-say-yes-slowly)
    42→    - [Focus feedback on you, not them](#focus-feedback-on-you-not-them)
    43→- [One on One Questions](#one-on-one-questions)
    44→- [Situational coaching](#situational-coaching)
    45→- [Other coaching tools](#other-coaching-tools)
    46→- [Full disclosure: Coaching others is selfish too!](#full-disclosure-coaching-others-is-selfish-too)
    47→- [Fantastic video on coaching, improvement, and discomfort](#fantastic-video-on-coaching-improvement-and-discomfort)
    48→
    49→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-end -->
    50→<!-- prettier-ignore-end -->
    51→
    52→### The coaching mindset
    53→
    54→{%include blob_image_float_right.html src="icon-birth.png" %}
    55→
    56→Real understanding comes from within, and is not imparted by someone else. Ask questions, guide, and encourage. When you 'tell the solution' at best the solution is forgotten, at worst it offends and shutdowns down the coachee, damaging the relationship.
    57→
    58→When being a coach maintain the following mindset.
    59→
    60→- Ask permission to be a coach. (Avoid forcing them)
    61→- Check-in with yourself to maintain the coaching mindset (Avoid forgetting your role)
    62→- Let your coachee do most of the talking. (Avoid cutting them off)
    63→- Keep questions open ended. (Avoid Yes/No questions)
    64→- Test your understanding (Avoid assuming you understand)
    65→- Be accepting, compassionate, and [curious](/grandmother-mind) (Avoid judging and evaluating)
    66→
    67→### Frequent coaching situations
    68→
    69→Some coaching situations are common, so I have deep dived into them.
    70→
    71→- [Making Major Decisions](/decisive) - A deep dive on how to improve high impact decision making.
    72→- [Dealing with Pride](/pride) - A deep dive on dealing with pride.
    73→- [Job Hunting](job-hunt-stress) - A deep dive on job changes
    74→
    75→### The 7 goto coaching questions
    76→
    77→When folks have questions or appear stuck, that's a great time to provide rapid in the moment coaching. These 7 questions are a great starting point to help the coachee build the required insights for solving their own problem:
    78→
    79→- Open: What's on your mind?
    80→- Expand: What Else?
    81→- Focus Problem: What's the real challenge here for you?
    82→- Focus Need: What do you want?
    83→  - Do not ask why, it makes people defensive - you're questioning their ability by asking why.
    84→  - Want vs Need
    85→- Focus Request: How can I help?
    86→- Focus Trade off: If you say yes to this, what will you have to say no to?
    87→  - Omission - automatic no
    88→  - Commission - what you must give up to make it happen (relationships/projects/)
    89→- Close the loop: What was most useful for you in this conversation?
    90→
    91→### Questions for specific situations
    92→
    93→Depending on what insights you want to provide, you need to use different questions. Some questions are below, [Decisive](/decisive) has a plethora of other questions.
    94→
    95→#### To clarify thinking
    96→
    97→- Help me understand that?
    98→- Tell me more?
    99→- Unpack that for me?
   100→- How did you come to that realization?
   101→- I'm having a hard time understanding, can you give some examples?
   102→
   103→#### To challenge assumptions
   104→
   105→- Is that always the case?
   106→- What would it look like if that was false?
   107→
   108→#### To gather more evidence
   109→
   110→- What makes you say that?
   111→
   112→#### To find more alternatives
   113→
   114→- What is the counter argument?
   115→- What other options have you considered?
   116→- What would happen i this option disappeared?
   117→- What is the next best use of resources?
   118→- How can you do A and B?
   119→- How would you decide if you had double the resources?
   120→- How would you decide if you had half the resources?
   121→
   122→#### To build strategic insight
   123→
   124→- What does success mean?
   125→- What is our scope (who/where)
   126→- What will be our differentiator/moat here?
   127→- What capabilities/assets will need to achieve this?
   128→- How do we measure success and provide feedback?
   129→
   130→#### To increase productivity, effectiveness, and efficiency
   131→
   132→This request often comes in as the wrong question, need to deep dive into where the problem is coming from.
   133→
   134→1. Find the right thing:
   135→
   136→   - The top optimization is spending zero time on the wrong thing. How often do you feel your spending time on the wrong thing?
   137→   - Taking time to explore is important, how are you splitting time between, learning, exploring and doing?
   138→   - What does success look like, how is your work supporting that success?
   139→
   140→2. Test for motivation:
   141→
   142→   - On a scale of 1/10 how energized are you doing this work?
   143→   - When are times you're most energized and most drained? Any patterns
   144→
   145→3. Realistic Expectations + Estimations
   146→
   147→   - Anxiety is the difference between expectations and reality. How are you validating your estimates/expectations are reasonable?
   148→
   149→4. Having the required resources
   150→
   151→   - How often are you getting blocked?
   152→   - What things would help you get done this faster?
   153→   - Are there things that if you had, would speed you up?
   154→   - What resources would make you more efficient?
   155→
   156→5. Doing it Efficiently
   157→   - How often are you stuck?
   158→   - How are you going about getting help?
   159→
   160→### The hows of coaching
   161→
   162→#### Coach for task completion vs insight
   163→
   164→Coaching applies to different time frames, keep them separate:
   165→
   166→- P: Project - Immediate task and new skill
   167→- P: People - Relationship
   168→- PC: Pattern - Help person get better.
   169→
   170→#### Keep people safe while coaching using human safety models
   171→
   172→TERA -
   173→
   174→- **Tribe:** Tribe, 'us' vs 'them' - be us.
   175→- **Certainty:** People dislike ambiguity/uncertainty.
   176→- **Rank:** Do I move up or down the social ladder
   177→- **Autonomy:** I have control
   178→
   179→SCARF -
   180→_More details in [Search inside yourself - Leadership and social skills](/search-inside-yourself)_
   181→
   182→- **Status:** Where am I in the pecking order
   183→  - **BUILD:** Give credit, and feedback, ups peoples status
   184→- **Certainty:** Do I know what what's going on.
   185→  - **Build:** removing ambiguity, and giving people certainty on things that matter.
   186→- **Autonomy:** Do I have control over the situation?
   187→  - **Build:** making clear it's people's choice, not yours.
   188→- **Relatedness:** Is other person friend or foe.
   189→  - **Build:** by taking time to know people.
   190→- **Fairness:**
   191→  - **Build:** making clear that you're being fair.
   192→
   193→#### Soften your coaching: How Can I help
   194→
   195→- Out of curiosity
   196→- Just so I know
   197→- To help my understand better
   198→- To make sure I'm clear
   199→- That is a hard problem
   200→- Not alone, lots of people struggle with this.
   201→
   202→#### Encourage trying to solve own problem: How would you handle this
   203→
   204→Great question, I have some ideas, but first, how would you tackle this? What else?
   205→
   206→#### Say No: Say yes slowly
   207→
   208→- Why are you asking me?
   209→- Whom else have you asked?
   210→- What you say urgent what do you mean?
   211→- What does done mean?
   212→- If I could only do one part, what part would you have me do?
   213→- What do you recommend I take off my plate to get this done?
   214→- _If you still have to say no_ Make sure you're saying no to the task, not to the person.
   215→
   216→#### Focus feedback on you, not them
   217→
   218→From the superb HBR article: [The feedback fallacy](https://hbr.org/2019/03/the-feedback-fallacy). If you don't read the article (which I'll also summarize)
   219→take this high order bit of focusing the feedback on "you" not on them. E.g. feedback should be "I experienced X" instead of you screwed up X.
   220→
   221→| Easy way                                               | Effective Way                                                                                                     |
   222→| ------------------------------------------------------ | ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
   223→| Can I give you some feedback?                          | Here’s my reaction                                                                                                |
   224→| Good job!                                              | Here are three things that worked for me. What was going through your mind when you did them?                     |
   225→| Here’s what you should do.                             | Here’s what I would do.                                                                                           |
   226→| Here’s where you need to improve                       | Here’s what worked best for me, and here’s why                                                                    |
   227→| That didn’t work.                                      | When you did x, I felt y or I didn’t get that.                                                                    |
   228→| You need to improve your communication skills.         | Here’s where you started to lose me.                                                                              |
   229→| You need to be more responsive.                        | When I don’t hear from you, I worry that we’re not on the same page.                                              |
   230→| You lack strategic thinking.                           | I’m struggling to understand your plan.                                                                           |
   231→| You should do x [in response to a request for advice]. | What do you feel you’re struggling with, and what have you done in the past that’s worked in a similar situation? |
   232→
   233→### One on One Questions
   234→
   235→See the One on One Sections And One on One prompts in [the manager book](/the-manager-book)
   236→
   237→### Situational coaching
   238→
   239→As people take on new tasks requiring them to learn new skills, they go through a predictable, often painful, sequence of experiences. These experiences are based on the progression of commitment and competence, and each experience benefits from a different type of coaching described in [Situational Leadership](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Situational_leadership_theory).
   240→
   241→{% include quadrant-matrix.html
   242→    title="Learning Stages Matrix"
   243→    subtitle="The journey from beginner to achiever"
   244→    x_label="Commitment →"
   245→    y_label="Competence →"
   246→    q1_name="4. SELF-RELIANT ACHIEVER"
   247→    q1_subtitle="Competent + Committed"
   248→    q1_traits="Know they can do it<br>And they're right<br>Ready to lead"
   249→    q1_color="rgba(232,244,234,0.5)"
   250→    q2_name="3. CAPABLE BUT CAUTIOUS"
   251→    q2_subtitle="Competent + Discouraged"
   252→    q2_traits="Think they can't do it<br>But actually they can<br>Need confidence"
   253→    q2_color="rgba(255,229,180,0.5)"
   254→    q3_name="2. DISILLUSIONED LEARNER"
   255→    q3_subtitle="Incompetent + Discouraged"
   256→    q3_traits="Know they can't do it<br>Feel bad about it<br>Need support"
   257→    q3_color="rgba(230,230,250,0.5)"
   258→    q4_name="1. ENTHUSIASTIC BEGINNER"
   259→    q4_subtitle="Incompetent + Committed"
   260→    q4_traits="Think they can do it<br>But can't yet<br>Need direction"
   261→    q4_color="rgba(255,224,224,0.5)"
   262→%}
   263→
   264→When competence is low, coach for direction, when commitment is low coach for support.
   265→
   266→| Low competence | Low Commitment |
   267→| -------------- | -------------- |
   268→| [l10](l10)     | [l11](l11)     |
   269→
   270→- l10
   271→- **Provide Direction**
   272→- Set a clear goal
   273→- Generate an action plan
   274→- Show you how to do it
   275→- Clarify the role
   276→- Provide Timelines
   277→- Establish Priorities
   278→- Monitor and evaluate, giving feedback
   279→
   280→<div> </div>
   281→
   282→- l11
   283→- **Provide Support**
   284→- Listen to the learner
   285→- Recognize and appreciate the learners
   286→- Problem solve with the learner
   287→- Ask for the learners input
   288→- Remind the learner why you're doing the task
   289→- Share your own experiences achieving the task and goal
   290→- Share why the task and goal is important
   291→
   292→{% include quadrant-matrix.html
   293→    title="Coaching Support Matrix"
   294→    subtitle="How to coach at each learning stage"
   295→    x_label="Commitment →"
   296→    y_label="Competence →"
   297→    q1_name="4. EMPOWER"
   298→    q1_subtitle="For Self-Reliant Achievers"
   299→    q1_traits="Explain why not<br>Remove obstacles<br>Give autonomy"
   300→    q1_color="rgba(232,244,234,0.5)"
   301→    q2_name="3. FACILITATE"
   302→    q2_subtitle="For Capable but Cautious"
   303→    q2_traits="Explain why<br>Build confidence<br>Provide context"
   304→    q2_color="rgba(255,229,180,0.5)"
   305→    q3_name="2. GUIDE & ENCOURAGE"
   306→    q3_subtitle="For Disillusioned Learners"
   307→    q3_traits="Show them how<br>Provide support<br>Share experiences"
   308→    q3_color="rgba(230,230,250,0.5)"
   309→    q4_name="1. INSTRUCT & EXPLAIN"
   310→    q4_subtitle="For Enthusiastic Beginners"
   311→    q4_traits="Tell them what to do<br>Set clear goals<br>Monitor progress"
   312→    q4_color="rgba(255,224,224,0.5)"
   313→%}
   314→
   315→If you're feeling down because you are a Disillusioned Learner or Capable but Cautious, know you're not alone, and consider reading [Self leadership and the one minute manager](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060799129), it's a quick, easy, read that has a powerful message.\*
   316→
   317→### Other coaching tools
   318→
   319→Below are some other good coaching tools I need to write more details on:
   320→
   321→- Using a scale question for relative improvement not for calibration. E.g. on a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rank yourself on X! Great, why do you say that?, Great - what would you need to do to move up a point on the scale?
   322→
   323→- Imagery cards - Use cards with images on them to illicit from people what picture represents what concept, then have a discussion. E.g. which of these pictures represents leadership to you? OK, help me see how that shows a leader to you.
   324→
   325→- [Prompts](/prompts)
   326→
   327→### Full disclosure: Coaching others is selfish too!
   328→
   329→Coaching has a selfish benefit - most challenges others face, we face too. It's easier to see someone else's situation clearly than our own.
   330→
   331→When I coach someone through imposter syndrome or work-life balance, I'm dealing with my own struggles too. The questions I ask others - "What would success look like?" "What's the real challenge here?" - are questions I need to ask myself.
   332→
   333→By helping others see their situation clearly, we practice seeing our own more clearly. The coaching questions that unlock insights for them work on us too. We just forget to ask them.
   334→
   335→This is the greedy part - every coaching session reminds us to apply our own coaching questions to ourselves. The clarity we help others find becomes our own.
   336→
   337→### Fantastic video on coaching, improvement, and discomfort
   338→
   339→{%include youtube.html src="oHDq1PcYkT4?start=431" %}
   340→

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

     1→---
     2→layout: post
     3→title: "Use Your Regrets As A Compass, Not A Cage"
     4→permalink: /regrets
     5→redirect_from:
     6→  - /regret
     7→tags:
     8→  - emotion
     9→  - emotional intelligence
    10→---
    11→
    12→I spent years treating regrets like a cage - replaying decisions I couldn't change, beating myself up over the past. Here's the critical reframe: regrets aren't about the past, they're guides for what you should do next. The past is outside your circle of influence, but regrets are data about your values trying to redirect your future. I've found four main types (foundation, boldness, moral, and connection), and the goal isn't avoiding regrets - it's using them as a compass instead of a cage.
    13→
    14→<script src="https://cdnjs.cloudflare.com/ajax/libs/Chart.js/3.6.2/chart.min.js" integrity="sha512-tMabqarPtykgDtdtSqCL3uLVM0gS1ZkUAVhRFu1vSEFgvB73niFQWJuvviDyBGBH22Lcau4rHB5p2K2T0Xvr6Q==" crossorigin="anonymous" referrerpolicy="no-referrer"></script>
    15→<script src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/npm/chartjs-plugin-datalabels@2.0.0"></script>
    16→<!-- prettier-ignore-start -->
    17→
    18→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-start -->
    19→
    20→- [How to Think About Regrets](#how-to-think-about-regrets)
    21→  - [Concerns, Control and Influence](#concerns-control-and-influence)
    22→  - [Be compassionate to yourself - forgive](#be-compassionate-to-yourself---forgive)
    23→  - [Judgment vs Curiosity](#judgment-vs-curiosity)
    24→- [The Four Regrets](#the-four-regrets)
    25→  - [Foundational - If only I'd done the work](#foundational---if-only-id-done-the-work)
    26→  - [Boldness - If only I'd taken the risk/opportunity](#boldness---if-only-id-taken-the-riskopportunity)
    27→  - [Moral - If only I'd done the right thing](#moral---if-only-id-done-the-right-thing)
    28→  - [Connection - If only I'd reached out](#connection---if-only-id-reached-out)
    29→  - [How regrets change over time](#how-regrets-change-over-time)
    30→- [Closing Thoughts](#closing-thoughts)
    31→
    32→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-end -->
    33→<!-- prettier-ignore-end -->
    34→
    35→Most of this post comes from Daniel Pink's power of regrets: {% include amazon.html asin="0735210659" %}
    36→
    37→## How to Think About Regrets
    38→
    39→The past is completely outside your circle of influence. You can't change what happened, no matter how much mental energy you pour into guilt or rumination. That's critical to remember: regrets about past decisions are outside your circle of influence.
    40→
    41→But here's the reframe: while you can't change the past, you can use those regrets to guide your future. They're data points showing what you value most.
    42→
    43→### Concerns, Control and Influence
    44→
    45→[The first of the 7 habits, be proactive](/7h-c1) requires focusing your energy on your circle of influence, not your circle of concern. A frequent source of [anxiety](/mental-pain) is trying to control things outside your influence.
    46→
    47→The past? Guess what - that's 100% outside your circle of influence. You literally cannot change it.
    48→
    49→So here's the shift: stop dwelling on backward-looking regrets (what you did wrong) and start using forward-looking regret avoidance (what you should do next).
    50→
    51→Where do you have influence? The future (and more accurately, the present). Think through potential future regrets before making decisions. I frequently remind myself that [no one ever uttered "God, I wish I spent more time at work" on their deathbed](/wlb-manifesto).
    52→
    53→Use regrets to:
    54→
    55→- **Learn and grow**: Let past regrets motivate you to be more responsible, take healthy risks, make amends, and prioritize what truly matters
    56→- **Avoid future regrets**: Anticipate what you might regret and weigh that against potential benefits
    57→
    58→### Be compassionate to yourself - forgive
    59→
    60→Compassion is about removing suffering and accepting people as they are. It's easy to extend compassion to others - but it's even more important (and harder) to apply it to yourself.
    61→
    62→When you have regrets, treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a friend struggling with similar feelings.
    63→
    64→Compassion can be broken down with a time dimension.
    65→
    66→| Time    | Behavior    | Practice     | Behavior Definition                                     |
    67→| ------- | ----------- | ------------ | ------------------------------------------------------- |
    68→| Past    | Forgiveness | Humility     | Give up hope for a better past                          |
    69→| Present | Acceptance  | Gratefulness | Recognizing you have received more than your fair share |
    70→| Future  | Hope        | Patience     | Believe the future can be better than the present       |
    71→
    72→{%include summarize-page.html src="/compassion" %}
    73→
    74→### Judgment vs Curiosity
    75→
    76→Judgment throws up barriers and causes us to hide the truth which can lead to guilt and [shame](/shame). Curiosity is gentle and helps us find what is going on. Compassion reduces judgment, reducing the barrier to compassion.
    77→
    78→When processing regrets, lead with curiosity rather than judgment. Instead of beating yourself up over past decisions, get curious about what drove those choices and what you can learn from them.
    79→
    80→## The Four Regrets
    81→
    82→When thinking about regrets, they tend to fall into patterns. Daniel Pink's [The Power of Regret](https://www.danpink.com/the-power-of-regret/) analyzed over 16,000 regrets from 105 countries and found four core categories. Understanding these patterns helps you anticipate what you might regret before you make decisions.
    83→
    84→The four regrets operate as a photographic negative of the good life - if you know what people regret most, you can reverse the image to see what they value most.
    85→
    86→### Foundational - If only I'd done the work
    87→
    88→Foundation regrets stem from failures to be responsible and do the hard work that builds a stable life. These are the "I should have known better" regrets about not laying proper groundwork. They often compound over time - small neglects become major problems.
    89→
    90→E.g.
    91→
    92→- **Financial stability**: Not saving for retirement. You live paycheck to paycheck in your 60s because you spent everything in your 20s.
    93→- **Health and wellness**: Not prioritizing exercise, sleep, and nutrition. You deal with preventable chronic conditions because you ignored your body for decades.
    94→- **Education and skills**: Neglecting self-improvement. You watch less experienced people get promoted because you never developed new skills.
    95→- **Relationships foundation**: Not learning to communicate or manage emotions. You repeat the same relationship patterns because you never did the inner work.
    96→
    97→### Boldness - If only I'd taken the risk/opportunity
    98→
    99→Boldness regrets come from playing it too safe - from inaction rather than action. These are the chances not taken, the words not spoken, the dreams not pursued. The pain comes from wondering "what if?" and knowing you'll never find out because fear or comfort held you back.
   100→
   101→E.g.
   102→
   103→- **Romantic risks**: Not asking someone out when you felt a connection. You wonder for years if they felt the same way.
   104→- **Career leaps**: Not starting the business you dreamed of. You stay in the safe corporate job while others build the company you imagined.
   105→- **Life experiences**: Not traveling when you had the chance. You say "someday" until health or circumstances make it impossible.
   106→- **Creative expression**: Not sharing your art, writing, or music. You keep your gifts hidden because you fear criticism.
   107→- **Speaking up**: Not saying what needed to be said. You stay silent when you should have advocated for yourself or others.
   108→
   109→### Moral - If only I'd done the right thing
   110→
   111→Moral regrets arise from compromising your values or hurting others. These cut the deepest because they damage your self-image and often harm people you care about. They're about knowing you chose wrong when you knew what was right.
   112→
   113→E.g.
   114→
   115→- **Betraying trust**: Cheating on a partner or in competition. You carry the guilt of violating someone's faith in you.
   116→- **Dishonesty**: Lying for personal gain. You carry the weight of a lie that affected someone's life.
   117→- **Selfishness**: Taking credit for someone else's work. You prioritized your comfort over another's need.
   118→- **Cruelty**: Being hurtful when you could have been kind. You bullied someone or said something deliberately cutting.
   119→- **Ethical lapses**: Going along with something wrong. You stayed silent about unethical behavior to protect yourself.
   120→
   121→### Connection - If only I'd reached out
   122→
   123→Connection regrets stem from neglecting relationships or letting them wither. These hurt because relationships are central to human flourishing, and we often don't realize their value until it's too late. The regret is knowing a simple act of reaching out could have preserved or healed something precious.
   124→
   125→E.g.
   126→
   127→- **Drifting apart**: Not staying in touch with friends and family who mattered. You realize years later that a valued friendship died from neglect, not conflict.
   128→- **Unresolved conflicts**: Not making amends after an argument. You carry the burden of a broken relationship that could have been repaired.
   129→- **Missing moments**: Taking loved ones for granted. You wish you'd spent more time with a parent who's now gone, or listened when your child wanted to talk.
   130→- **Words unsaid**: Not expressing love or appreciation. You never told someone how much they meant before they died or moved away.
   131→- **Pride and stubbornness**: Letting ego prevent reconnection. You wait for them to reach out first until it becomes impossible.
   132→
   133→### How regrets change over time
   134→
   135→As we can see, regret distribution varies across age groups. People tend to have the most boldness regrets in their 20s, which may be due to feeling like they haven't taken enough chances or pursued their dreams. Regret about foundation choices tends to increase with age, possibly due to a greater awareness of long-term consequences. Connection regrets also tend to rise with age, perhaps as people reflect on lost relationships or missed opportunities for connection.
   136→
   137→It's important to note that this is just a general trend, and individual experiences may vary.
   138→
   139→<canvas id="chart-regrets-over-time"></canvas>
   140→
   141→<script>
   142→defer(() => {
   143→  const ctx = "chart-regrets-over-time";
   144→
   145→  // Data table - easy to read and edit
   146→  const regretsData = {
   147→    decades: ['20s', '30s', '40s', '50s', '60s', '70s+'],
   148→    regretTypes: {
   149→      Foundational: [15, 20, 25, 20, 15, 10],
   150→      Boldness:     [40, 32, 26, 22, 18, 14],
   151→      Moral:        [25, 20, 20, 28, 33, 38],
   152→      Connection:   [25, 30, 30, 32, 37, 42]
   153→    }
   154→  };
   155→
   156→  // Color scheme for each regret type
   157→  const colors = [
   158→    { border: 'rgba(54, 162, 235, 0.8)', bg: 'rgba(54, 162, 235, 0.2)' },  // Blue
   159→    { border: 'rgba(255, 99, 132, 0.8)', bg: 'rgba(255, 99, 132, 0.2)' },  // Red
   160→    { border: 'rgba(255, 206, 86, 0.8)', bg: 'rgba(255, 206, 86, 0.2)' },  // Yellow
   161→    { border: 'rgba(75, 192, 192, 0.8)', bg: 'rgba(75, 192, 192, 0.2)' }   // Teal
   162→  ];
   163→
   164→  // Convert to Chart.js dataset format - labels read from data
   165→  const datasets = Object.keys(regretsData.regretTypes).map((regretType, index) => ({
   166→    label: regretType,
   167→    data: regretsData.regretTypes[regretType],
   168→    borderColor: colors[index].border,
   169→    backgroundColor: colors[index].bg,
   170→    tension: 0.4
   171→  }));
   172→
   173→  const myChart = new Chart(ctx, {
   174→    type: 'line',
   175→    data: {
   176→      labels: regretsData.decades,
   177→      datasets: datasets
   178→    },
   179→    options: {
   180→      plugins: {
   181→        title: {
   182→          display: true,
   183→          text: 'Regret Distribution by Age'
   184→        },
   185→        legend: {
   186→          display: true
   187→        },
   188→        datalabels: {
   189→          align: 'top',
   190→          font: {
   191→            size: 10
   192→          },
   193→          formatter: function(value) {
   194→            return value + '%';
   195→          }
   196→        }
   197→      },
   198→      scales: {
   199→        y: {
   200→          beginAtZero: true,
   201→          title: {
   202→            display: true,
   203→            text: 'Percentage (%)'
   204→          }
   205→        },
   206→        x: {
   207→          title: {
   208→            display: true,
   209→            text: 'Age Decade'
   210→          }
   211→        }
   212→      },
   213→      elements: {
   214→        point: {
   215→          radius: 4
   216→        }
   217→      }
   218→    }
   219→  });
   220→
   221→  console.log(ctx, myChart);
   222→});
   223→</script>
   224→
   225→## Closing Thoughts
   226→
   227→Regrets will happen. That's not the problem. The problem is letting them cage you instead of guide you.
   228→
   229→The next time you feel that ache of regret, ask yourself: What is this telling me about what I value? What can I do differently going forward? How would I advise a friend in this situation?
   230→
   231→Your regrets are trying to help you. Let them be your compass pointing toward what matters most - not a cage keeping you stuck in the past.
   232→
   233→Start small: Pick one regret you're carrying. Get curious about it. What does it reveal about your values? What one thing could you do differently tomorrow?
   234→

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

     1→---
     2→layout: post
     3→title: Time off August 2025 - Meta Recharge
     4→permalink: /timeoff-2025-08
     5→imagefeaturelocal: raccoon-vacation.webp
     6→sort_order: 300
     7→redirect_from:
     8→  - /time-off-2025-08
     9→---
    10→
    11→I'm incredibly fortunate to be able to take 6 weeks off this summer! After 5 years of service at Meta, you get 30 days (about 5 week) off!
    12→
    13→It's a special year since Zach will be going into grade 10, and Amelia into Middle school
    14→
    15→To get the most out of my time off, I'm going to follow my best practice of pre-writing what I want to get done, and adjust it as I go. This is a combination of [time off](/time-off), and all the stuff for [happiness](/happy), which I guess gets tangled up with half of my evergreen notes.
    16→
    17→<!-- prettier-ignore-start -->
    18→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-start -->
    19→
    20→- [Topic](#topic)
    21→  - [Tori is organizing again](#tori-is-organizing-again)
    22→  - [From 12 months to 6 weeks](#from-12-months-to-6-weeks)
    23→  - [The Great Monday Cat Visitation Protocol (Or: How We Became Slaves to Our Feline Overlords)](#the-great-monday-cat-visitation-protocol-or-how-we-became-slaves-to-our-feline-overlords)
    24→- [By Week](#by-week)
    25→  - [Week 3 - Crater Lake](#week-3---crater-lake)
    26→  - [Week 4 - Long Beach](#week-4---long-beach)
    27→- [Stuff happening](#stuff-happening)
    28→  - [Candidates](#candidates)
    29→- [My top priorities](#my-top-priorities)
    30→  - [I have memories that last a lifetime](#i-have-memories-that-last-a-lifetime)
    31→  - [Back to generating artifacts](#back-to-generating-artifacts)
    32→  - [Health and Habits](#health-and-habits)
    33→- [Moments](#moments)
    34→- [Success Stories](#success-stories)
    35→- [Top Learnings](#top-learnings)
    36→- [Relationships](#relationships)
    37→  - [Friends](#friends)
    38→  - [Tori](#tori)
    39→  - [Zach](#zach)
    40→  - [Amelia](#amelia)
    41→- [Identity Health](#identity-health)
    42→  - [Magic](#magic)
    43→  - [Biking](#biking)
    44→  - [Bubbles](#bubbles)
    45→  - [Content Creator](#content-creator)
    46→- [Tech Guru (X/5)](#tech-guru-x5)
    47→  - [Enabling Environment](#enabling-environment)
    48→  - [AI Coding](#ai-coding)
    49→  - [AI Writing/Thinking](#ai-writingthinking)
    50→  - [Tony](#tony)
    51→  - [Other AI](#other-ai)
    52→  - [Video publishing](#video-publishing)
    53→- [Cognitive Health (X/5)](#cognitive-health-x5)
    54→  - [Blog posts](#blog-posts)
    55→  - [Videos](#videos)
    56→- [Emotional Health (4/5)](#emotional-health-45)
    57→  - [Meditation](#meditation)
    58→  - [750 words/Gratefulness](#750-wordsgratefulness)
    59→- [Motivation (X/5)](#motivation-x5)
    60→- [Physical Habits (X/5)](#physical-habits-x5)
    61→  - [Statistics](#statistics)
    62→  - [Diet](#diet)
    63→  - [Sleep](#sleep)
    64→  - [Exercise](#exercise)
    65→- [Inner Peace (X/5)](#inner-peace-x5)
    66→  - [General Inner Peace](#general-inner-peace)
    67→  - [Work](#work)
    68→  - [Family](#family)
    69→- [House and goods](#house-and-goods)
    70→  - [Tesla](#tesla)
    71→
    72→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-end -->
    73→<!-- prettier-ignore-end -->
    74→
    75→## Topic
    76→
    77→### Tori is organizing again
    78→
    79→Tori and I spent a lot of time on our relationship this year, and she's organized the whole trip! It's gonna be great having a planner to make sure everything happens.
    80→
    81→### From 12 months to 6 weeks
    82→
    83→Five years ago, I dreamed of taking a year off of work - [a gap year](/gap-year-igor) if you will. I spent a lot of time thinking through a gap year, and it's more important then ever now that the kids are running out of time. But that's a separate blog post
    84→
    85→{%include summarize-page.html src="/gap-year-igor"%}
    86→
    87→### The Great Monday Cat Visitation Protocol (Or: How We Became Slaves to Our Feline Overlords)
    88→
    89→Here's our travel hack: the Monday Cat Check-In System™. Instead of pet sitters, we return every Monday to prevent feline coups and unauthorized DoorDash orders.
    90→
    91→Perfect timing since we booked Monday improv classes with [Matt Smith](https://www.mattsmithimprov.com/), who helped establish Seattle's comedy scene in the '90s. Our routine: check on judgmental cats ("Oh, you're back AGAIN?"), then learn to be funny on command.
    92→
    93→The cats have caught on, scheduling Sunday night drama for maximum Monday impact. But instead of shoe logistics operations, we're more likely to find nature's surprises: a desiccated hummingbird artfully displayed on the welcome mat, or a beheaded rabbit positioned like modern art in the hallway. I'm pretty sure they're testing our commitment to this arrangement.
    94→
    95→But honestly? Weekly guaranteed animal discovery AND comedy training while road-tripping? Pure genius.
    96→
    97→## By Week
    98→
    99→| Week Dates    | Activities | Notes                        |
   100→| ------------- | ---------- | ---------------------------- |
   101→| July 28-Aug 3 | [l1](l1)   | Decompression week           |
   102→| Aug 4-10      | [l2](l2)   | Home activities & adventures |
   103→| Aug 11-17     | [l3](l3)   | Crater Lake trip             |
   104→| Aug 18-24     | [l4](l4)   | Long Beach vacation          |
   105→| Aug 25-31     | [l5](l5)   | Yellowstone & Grand Teton    |
   106→| Sept 1-7      | [l6](l6)   | Back to work/school prep     |
   107→
   108→  <span>
   109→- l1
   110→- Decompression and transition to time off
   111→  - Working Monday/Tuesday to wrap up
   112→  - Social connections and catching up
   113→    - Meet lots of friends
   114→    - Zach + Amelia to lunch together
   115→  - Creative content exploration
   116→    - Found 360 camera
   117→    - Made LOTS of TikToks
   118→    - Experimenting with new video formats
   119→  - Gentle transition from work mode to vacation mode
   120→
   121→<div></div>
   122→
   123→- l2
   124→- Home activities and local adventures
   125→  - Played Frisbee with Amelia
   126→  - Went to Japanese Garden with Amelia
   127→  - Redid stickers on the Tesla
   128→  - **FUNNY STORY:** 100 point turn to get Tesla in garage to charge, then found out the car doesn't work since ungrounded plug
   129→  - Did TGU's outside!
   130→
   131→<div></div>
   132→
   133→- l3
   134→- Crater Lake National Park trip
   135→  - Drive to Crater Lake
   136→  - Day in Ashland (Maybe catch a play)
   137→  - Come back up the coast.
   138→
   139→<div></div>
   140→
   141→- l4
   142→- Long Beach vacation
   143→  - Beach relaxation and activities
   144→  - Coastal hotel or apartment stay
   145→  - Beach walks and ocean time
   146→  - Local dining and exploration
   147→  - Family time by the water
   148→  - Photography and content creation
   149→
   150→<div></div>
   151→
   152→- l5
   153→- Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks
   154→  - Drive to Wyoming/Montana region
   155→  - Yellowstone geysers and hot springs
   156→  - Old Faithful and geyser basins
   157→  - Grand Teton mountain views
   158→  - Wildlife watching (bison, elk, bears)
   159→  - Family hiking and photography
   160→  - Lodge or camping accommodations
   161→
   162→<div></div>
   163→
   164→- l6
   165→- Back to work and school transition
   166→  - Labor Day weekend relaxation
   167→  - Back-to-school preparation for kids
   168→  - Work transition and planning
   169→  - Final documentation of summer memories
   170→
   171→### Week 3 - Crater Lake
   172→
   173→AGENT: Make this image right aligned
   174→![Map of week 3 trip](https://raw.githubusercontent.com/idvorkin/ipaste/main/20250818_083503.webp)
   175→
   176→- Highlights:
   177→
   178→  - Zach got Covid
   179→  - Amelia got Covid
   180→  - OMG so hot, like 100 degrees!
   181→
   182→- Thorp/Ellensburg/Yakima
   183→
   184→  - A pretty cool part of the country
   185→  - We got a 2$ Iced Americano! Wow!
   186→  - They were selling cherries that they were loading into bag right off the back of the cherry truck
   187→  - We took 821 which was cool winding river roads, if it wasn't 100 degrees, I should have gone rafting.
   188→
   189→- Bend Orgeon
   190→
   191→  - Wow, so much beauty
   192→  - Tried to book wizard island book tour, sold out in in like 2 minutes
   193→  - Restarted giving out balloons!!
   194→  - Very Yummy Mexican Food
   195→
   196→- Drive to Crater Lake
   197→
   198→  - Wind farms are awesome - so big!
   199→
   200→- Crater Lake
   201→
   202→  - Poor Zach was in the back groaning and moaning going through hot flashes and ice chills
   203→  - Amelia and I hiked to the tippy top and saw an amazing view
   204→  - That is a super cool place
   205→
   206→- Grants Pass
   207→
   208→  - Beautiful, but I didn't spend it well. I just spent like 6 hours trying to setup a vibe coding environment.
   209→
   210→- Thor's Hammer/Cooks Casm
   211→
   212→  - Amazing as usual
   213→
   214→- The great alsi hotel - The weirest hotel ever
   215→
   216→  - Getting a hotel on the coast is like impossible on a Friday or Saturday
   217→  - But this place was huge, like 200 rooms, and we were the only car there.
   218→  - WHAT:mindblown: This was the old cult [suicide hotel](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1997/03/29/the-two-lured-oregon-recruits-with-promise-of-space-transport/445401f0-7d54-49cc-b92d-3779b10aba7a/?utm_source=chatgpt.com)
   219→  - And the guy working the desk was like really kind and the only guy there
   220→  - Many [mixed reviews on the internet](https://www.google.com/travel/hotels/entity/CgsIktCZ1NHN3e20ARAB/reviews?q=great%20alsi%20hotel%20near%20cook%27s%20chasm&g2lb=4965990%2C4969803%2C72302247%2C72317059%2C72414906%2C72471280%2C72472051%2C72485658%2C72560029%2C72573224%2C72616120%2C72647020%2C72648289%2C72686036%2C72760082%2C72803964%2C72832976%2C72882230%2C72958624%2C72959983%2C72990341%2C73010541%2C73059275&hl=en-US&gl=us&cs=1&ssta=1&ts=CAEaSQorEicyJTB4NTRjMWMyNTExNTE0YzFmMToweGI0ZGI3NjZkMWE4NjY4MTIaABIaEhQKBwjpDxAIGBMSBwjpDxAIGBUYAjICCAIqCQoFOgNVU0QaAA&qs=CAE4AkIJCRJohhptdtu0QgkJEmiGGm1227Q&ictx=111&utm_campaign=sharing&utm_medium=link&utm_source=htls) ... my favorite is the responses they get from the owner
   221→    ![](https://raw.githubusercontent.com/idvorkin/ipaste/main/20250818_084418.webp)
   222→
   223→- Final Leg home - Tony forgot how to drive
   224→
   225→  - Igor had to drive instead.
   226→  - BUT, Igor forgot how to drive!
   227→  - Took the 405 as i5 was closed, but then forgot I need to follow directions and didn't take 520 exist,
   228→  - Driving is a lost skill for me.
   229→  - But on the bright side, I learned about the service menu, pretty cool to see all the backup systems and monitoring in there.
   230→    ![](https://raw.githubusercontent.com/idvorkin/ipaste/main/20250818_084632.webp)
   231→
   232→- Physical Health
   233→
   234→  - Realized I can just carry my heavy club around everywhere.
   235→
   236→- Meetups
   237→  - Met up with a LinkedIn follower who wanted some career advice, was really cool to find a seattle hidden gem. Check out the [public space at 3rd and university](https://raw.githubusercontent.com/idvorkin/ipaste/main/20250818_083922.webp)
   238→
   239→### Week 4 - Long Beach
   240→
   241→- Meetups
   242→  - Met up with an old work colleague who lives in Edmonds, and since I was there, took a ferry to kingston and back for fun.
   243→
   244→## Stuff happening
   245→
   246→### Candidates
   247→
   248→- Navy ship in Bremerton
   249→- Troll Hunt, maybe we can find them all
   250→
   251→- [Lighthouses of WA](https://stateofwatourism.com/scenic-washington-lighthouses/)
   252→
   253→## My top priorities
   254→
   255→### I have memories that last a lifetime
   256→
   257→- Photos, documentation
   258→- Peak End Rule
   259→- [Moments](/moments)
   260→
   261→### Back to generating artifacts
   262→
   263→- Bang out some blog posts
   264→- Write 4 family journal entries (!!)
   265→- Finish my talk on AI
   266→
   267→### Health and Habits
   268→
   269→- **Diet** - I should be pretty close to steady state goal (165 ish). I guess don't go up more than 5 lbs
   270→
   271→  - Go to grocery store and load up on healthy food
   272→  - Bring my travel scale
   273→
   274→- **Sleep** - Up every day at 5.
   275→
   276→  - When drifting cut caffeine
   277→  - Bring earplugs and sleep mask
   278→  - Nap while charging the Tesla
   279→
   280→- **Exercise** - This will probably be the hardest.
   281→  - When out of town, bring a portable kit
   282→  - Figure out an outdoor setup
   283→
   284→## Moments
   285→
   286→{%include summarize-page.html src="/moments" %}
   287→
   288→First night:
   289→
   290→Things to do:
   291→
   292→- Go to Cranberry museum
   293→
   294→## Success Stories
   295→
   296→## Top Learnings
   297→
   298→- I started off with daily walks with folks, and doing stuff with kids. Honestly I didn't do enough for myself and was getting stir crazy
   299→
   300→## Relationships
   301→
   302→### Friends
   303→
   304→- ☑ Walk with Bob
   305→
   306→### Tori
   307→
   308→- ☑ ~~Private, nothing to say here~~ Tori is amazing, I'm incredibly lucky to have her.
   309→
   310→### Zach
   311→
   312→- ☑ Super fun getting to do an improv class together.
   313→- ☐ Take him driving in the tesla
   314→- ☐ Need to think through tech projects
   315→
   316→### Amelia
   317→
   318→- ☐ Take her somewhere to go for a bike ride on the car
   319→- ☐ See if we can co-write a choose your own adventure
   320→- ☐ Use AI for illustrations
   321→- ☑ So nice to see her giving away beads.
   322→
   323→## Identity Health
   324→
   325→### Magic
   326→
   327→- ☐ Practice Daily
   328→- ☐ Find a place to work on Tamiriz
   329→- ☐ Find a place to practice card to ceiling
   330→
   331→### Biking
   332→
   333→- ☐ Look at bubble bike setup
   334→- ☐ Figure out if can repair or dump my other ebike.
   335→
   336→### Bubbles
   337→
   338→- ☐ Figure out a portable setup
   339→- ☐ Bring one in the tesla
   340→
   341→### Content Creator
   342→
   343→- ☐ Monetization Post
   344→- ☑ Post on capital gains and diversification
   345→- ☐ Build more affirmation videos
   346→  - ☑ First one: Do it anyways
   347→  - ☐ Essentialist - TBD
   348→  - ☐ Class Act - Show photos of stuff I've posted, and cool responses with images
   349→  - ☐ Calm like water - Me in half lotus
   350→
   351→## Tech Guru (X/5)
   352→
   353→### Enabling Environment
   354→
   355→- Figure out how to use more AI.
   356→- ☐ Figure out using voice more with super whisper.
   357→
   358→### AI Coding
   359→
   360→- Got 200$ claude code and using it.
   361→
   362→### AI Writing/Thinking
   363→
   364→- Blog work flow is different
   365→
   366→### Tony
   367→
   368→- ☐ Update toni to include memory/todo tracking
   369→- ☐ Think about what else to do here.
   370→
   371→### Other AI
   372→
   373→- ☑ Retrained AmmontGPT on GPT-o mini, so far seems worse
   374→- ☑ Upgraded to newer langchain things (look up model)
   375→- ☑ Play with AI Coding helpers (aider) - crap!
   376→- ☐ CUT: Look at more Agent Tools (Crew, and AgentZero)
   377→
   378→### Video publishing
   379→
   380→- Got an insta360 and have been banging these out.
   381→- Learned how to do split shot
   382→- Learned how to do face blur
   383→- Learned how to do captions
   384→
   385→- So many might need it's own post.
   386→
   387→- Find all the stuff I've posted on LinkedIn
   388→
   389→## Cognitive Health (X/5)
   390→
   391→### Blog posts
   392→
   393→- 1 or 2 / week.
   394→
   395→### Videos
   396→
   397→## Emotional Health (4/5)
   398→
   399→### Meditation
   400→
   401→- ☐ Daily meditation!
   402→
   403→### 750 words/Gratefulness
   404→
   405→- ☐ Daily Gratefulness journal/750 words!
   406→
   407→## Motivation (X/5)
   408→
   409→-
   410→
   411→## Physical Habits (X/5)
   412→
   413→### Statistics
   414→
   415→Weight Start: 180
   416→Weight End:
   417→Gym Days: -
   418→
   419→### Diet
   420→
   421→- Even though I'm on [Terzepatide](/terzepatie) weight has been sneaking up. Need to pay attention, or up dosage.
   422→- First time bringing terzepatide with me, I have a travel container
   423→- Bring a cooler
   424→- I really like cauliflower rice
   425→- Feel free to skip meals
   426→- Be happy going to bakery and looking at the tasty things and not eating them.
   427→- Be happy throwing away junk food - nothing wrong with that.
   428→- Success Stories:
   429→  - I split some meals with Tori.
   430→  - I got vegetables at the
   431→
   432→### Sleep
   433→
   434→- It's been super hot latly, has made it hard
   435→- Real key here is to get to bed early, and not get stuck on the phone.
   436→- Bring and use a sleeping mask
   437→- Sometimes tape my mouth shut.
   438→
   439→### Exercise
   440→
   441→- GROAN: I just tore open my callous right before. Lets see what i can do.
   442→- Focus on hip and back mobility
   443→- Bring 28KG KB in the car, and 20/25 lbs heavy club. Lets see how it goes
   444→- Working on Pistols and pullups easy at the park.
   445→- Kettleback rack 1 sided squats feel good, and don't need to flip into the goblet position
   446→- Got 5lbs indian clubs - super heavy
   447→
   448→## Inner Peace (X/5)
   449→
   450→### General Inner Peace
   451→
   452→- Should be pretty high
   453→- Need to remember [mood](/mood) is a heuristic, and my subjective well being will be super strong
   454→
   455→### Work
   456→
   457→- I should be spending 0 time on this
   458→- Except maybe doing EM training material is a bit like work, but it's work I enjoy so we don't count it.
   459→
   460→### Family
   461→
   462→- Lets focus on compassion and the sublime states
   463→- I can get angry, but I need to apologize after I'm done.
   464→- I get really triggered when kids copy parent behvior that I don't love.
   465→
   466→## House and goods
   467→
   468→- ☐ Deal with AC recall
   469→- ☑ Return AC that was supposed to replace the recalled AC but was actually the same recalled model
   470→- Use CSScanner to scan all my old paper journals and chuck them.
   471→  - ☑ First ones dones
   472→  - ☑ Mr. Plumbbean done
   473→  - Do the rest of my 750 words
   474→  - Do my next journals
   475→
   476→### Tesla
   477→
   478→- ☐ Solo camp night.
   479→- ☐ Figure out all the stuff and organize it (See my notes on 8/5)
   480→- ☐ Figure out bubble machine setup
   481→- ☐ Try Electrify America
   482→- ☐ Get Un grounded NC-30 needs to plug into house ground too (so weird)
   483→- ☑ Figure out sleeping bag setup
   484→- ☑ Fix chips in Tony's windshield
   485→

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

     1→---
     2→layout: post
     3→title: "Search inside yourself"
     4→author: "Igor Dvorkin"
     5→tags:
     6→  - emotional intelligence
     7→  - book-notes
     8→imagefeaturelocal: raccoon-meditate.png
     9→redirect_from:
    10→  - /search-inside-yourself
    11→  - /meditate
    12→  - /meditation
    13→alias:
    14→  - /siy
    15→  - /search-inside-yourself
    16→  - /meditate
    17→  - /meditation
    18→permalink: /siy
    19→---
    20→
    21→Training Emotional Intelligence through mindfulness. Search inside yourself is a meditation training manual for engineers. It's also a pun as the author works at google, and built the program internally at Google. Joy on demand by the same author, is less engineer focused, and uses joy as a path to medatitive bliss.
    22→
    23→This is a summary of [Search Inside Yourself](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0070XF474/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1) and [Joy on Demand](https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Demand-Discovering-Happiness-Within/dp/0062378872), and the place I learned many of my [emotional health practices](/emotional-health)
    24→
    25→FYI, I now do a different practice; See my experience with [SKY](/ig66/685)
    26→
    27→{%include amazon.html asin="B0070XF474;0062378872" %}
    28→
    29→<!-- prettier-ignore-start -->
    30→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-start -->
    31→
    32→- [1) What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)? How to train it?](#1-what-is-emotional-intelligence-ei-how-to-train-it)
    33→- [2) Theory and practice of mindfulness](#2-theory-and-practice-of-mindfulness)
    34→- [3) Extend mindfulness beyond formal practice](#3-extend-mindfulness-beyond-formal-practice)
    35→- [4) Self awareness leading to self confidence](#4-self-awareness-leading-to-self-confidence)
    36→- [5) Developing Self Mastery](#5-developing-self-mastery)
    37→- [6) Art of self motivation and building resilience](#6-art-of-self-motivation-and-building-resilience)
    38→- [7) Developing Empathy by connecting to others](#7-developing-empathy-by-connecting-to-others)
    39→- [8) Leadership and Social Skills](#8-leadership-and-social-skills)
    40→- [9) The story behind Search Inside Yourself](#9-the-story-behind-search-inside-yourself)
    41→- [Inclining the Mind Toward Joy](#inclining-the-mind-toward-joy)
    42→- [Uplift the mind in seconds - Sublime States](#uplift-the-mind-in-seconds---sublime-states)
    43→- [Working with suffering](#working-with-suffering)
    44→- [What meditation mastery looks like](#what-meditation-mastery-looks-like)
    45→
    46→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-end -->
    47→<!-- prettier-ignore-end -->
    48→
    49→### 1) What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)? How to train it?
    50→
    51→{%include local_image_float_right.html src="raccoon-meditate.png" %}
    52→
    53→_Even engineers can use empathy_
    54→
    55→- **GOAL:EI is a collection of trainable skills, this book teaches them.**
    56→- IE is Ability to monitor your, and others, feelings, and use the info to guide your own thinking and actions.
    57→- Background on EI: [What makes a leader](/what-makes-a-leader) article.
    58→- Foundational Skill 1: Focus attention
    59→- Foundational Skill 2: Perceive feelings in the body since body manifests feelings
    60→  1. before mind realizes it
    61→  2. with more granularity.
    62→- Mindfulness is THE WAY to build those foundational skills.
    63→- Once have the mindfulness can use to build the components of EI.
    64→- Easy and Easier Mindfulness Methods. **Easy** follow the breath. **Easier** have no thoughts.
    65→- For a complementary personality framework, see [PANAS Personality Types](/emotions#panas-personality-types) - knowing if you're a Mad Scientist, Cheerleader, Judge, or Poet can inform your EI practice.
    66→
    67→### 2) Theory and practice of mindfulness
    68→
    69→_Breathing as if your life depends on it._
    70→
    71→- **GOAL: Be Relaxed, Non Judgmental, and Alert at the same time.**
    72→- Meditation trains Attention(ability to concentrate), Meta-Attention(notice not paying attention).
    73→  - Like bike balancing. Constantly re-balancing so seems like rider always balanced.
    74→- Meditation is like exercise
    75→  - Work out, tough work out, much better then no workout.
    76→  - More you practice stronger you become.
    77→  - After a while, you just feel better and not sure why.
    78→- Intention - Intention == Affirmation == mental habit == good.
    79→- **Grandmother mind:** be gentle with yourself, the more you do it, the more of a habit it becomes.
    80→- Process Model:
    81→  - External Observer: Follow Breath, Distracted, Regain Focus
    82→- Dealing with distraction
    83→  - Experience without judging or reacting
    84→  - If you need to react, continue being mindful
    85→  - Let it go
    86→  - Sitting Time
    87→- Concepts I'm not summarizing
    88→  - Proper meditation posture
    89→  - Dude where is the science.
    90→  - Happiness default state of mind.
    91→
    92→### 3) Extend mindfulness beyond formal practice
    93→
    94→_Mindfulness without butt on cushion_
    95→
    96→- **Goal: Extend from formal to informal situations (rest to activity) and from self to others.**
    97→- Mindfulness in activity
    98→  - Will happen naturally from formal practice, but you can accelerate it.
    99→  - Imagine focusing on every meal as if it was prepared by a world class chef.
   100→  - Walking can be a formal "activity based" meditation.
   101→- Directing mindfulness on others. Informal/formal practice of mindful listening/conversation.
   102→  - Focusing on others, give them your full, non-judgmental attention.
   103→- Formal Practice of Mindful Listening
   104→  - Speaker: Speak for 3 uninterrupted minutes. You own them, even if silence.
   105→  - Listener: No speaking, acknowledge (maybe, but don't over acknowledge). If silence, be silent.
   106→  - Swap speaker.
   107→  - Meta conversation on process: How do you feel, anything you want to talk about.
   108→- Informal Practice of Mindful Listening
   109→  - Give the gift of your full attention.
   110→  - Because they're your close one, they deserve time and space to express themselves.
   111→  - When attention wanders, bring it back.
   112→- Mindful Conversation
   113→  - A. Mindful Listening
   114→  - B. Looping - close the loop, by repeating what you think you understood. Speaker works with you till fully understood.
   115→  - C. Dipping - We usually don't listen as we've wandered off. Dip into yourself
   116→    _ Listener - notice if you're being distracted, try to let it go.
   117→    _ Speaker - notice how this makes you feel, decide to talk about it, or let it go.
   118→- Formal Mindful Conversation
   119→  - Monologue 4 minutes: \* Listener: Pay attention, and periodically dip.
   120→  - Looping: 6 minutes to describe what i heard, and loop.
   121→  - Meta: 4 minutes meta conversation.
   122→- Informal Mindful Conversation
   123→  - Just like formal method, but you don't tell.
   124→  - Be sure to seek permission for looping - what you said sounds important, can I check what I understood?
   125→  - Consider explaining what you did, and let the other person join you.
   126→- Sustaining your practice
   127→  - Like exercise, only hard for first few months. Tips
   128→    1. Have a buddy ask: Am I doing it? Why is my life better? How did this conversation go?
   129→    1. Do less then you can
   130→    1. At a minimum, do a breathe/1 minute/2 minute.
   131→  - Keep the difficulty at just below what you can achieve - think of how video games work.
   132→- Lightness and Joy in Mediation
   133→  - Want a relaxed (light) focus on meditation. Try meditating on Joyful event.
   134→    - Bring full attention to something pleasant, holding kids hand, a nice meal, etc.
   135→  - Theory: This gain can be generalized to other practices, but still need formal meditation.
   136→  - Eventually Meditation causes - Sukha - non-energy expending joy.
   137→- Mastering focused and open attention:
   138→  - Focused attention - intense focus on chosen object.
   139→  - Open attention - let focus move to any incoming event without judgment.
   140→  - Values from circuits
   141→    - Requires Strong Meta Attention to stay on focus
   142→    - Strong clarity - analogy, strong torch light
   143→    - Relaxed Attention - needed so don't get exhausted from meditation.
   144→- Meditation Circuit Training (4x)
   145→  - 3 minute closed - keep focus on breath.
   146→  - 3 minutes open - allow focus to apply to each incoming thought
   147→- Stay motivated - you're going to suck till you don't
   148→- Walking Meditation
   149→  - Focus on walking while walking.
   150→  - Feel your feet touching the ground
   151→  - Don't take anything for granted.
   152→
   153→### 4) Self awareness leading to self confidence
   154→
   155→_All natural organic Self-Confidence_
   156→
   157→- **GOAL: Emotional Awareness -> Self Assessment -> Self Confidence**
   158→- Self Awareness - The basis of EI - Your internal state, preferences, resources, and intuitions.
   159→  - Emotional Awareness
   160→    - Resolution - See subtle differences between emotions.
   161→    - Vividness - Turn up the contrast, so we can see easily see the additional resolution.
   162→    - (Am Happy -> Feel Happy -> Experience Happy in my Body)
   163→    - The moment you observe an emotion, it's already less powerful.
   164→  - Accurate Self Assessment - Strengths and Weakness
   165→    - Essential for managers.
   166→    - We're not perfect, but how can we succeed despite these gaps.
   167→  - Self Confidence - Ego as big as Mt Fugi, or as small as grain of sand as needed.
   168→    - Ego gets in the way of listening, need to let it go to be open.
   169→    - Ego required when doing hard tasks like leading, need it to grow to take on the challenge
   170→    - You can admit weakness, without self-blaming
   171→    - Grandma Mind requires huge confidence
   172→- From Emotional Awareness to Self Confidence
   173→  - Emotional Awareness -> Self Assessment -> Self Confidence
   174→    - Engineers confident in systems when understand operational, failure, and error recovery behaviors.
   175→    - Understand operational, failure, and error recovery behaviors -> Self Assessment.
   176→    - Self Assessment has low SNR because of emotions . Boost Emotional Awareness -> Boost Self Assessment SNR
   177→  - Misc
   178→    - More we study ourselves, more objective we can become.
   179→    - We know all the skeletons in our closets, and can deal with them.
   180→    - Pep talk give transient boost, but it's NOT sustainable.
   181→- Body Scan 13m
   182→  - General
   183→    - Every time you scan, you build mental habit of polling your body.
   184→    - Attention, not sensation matters.
   185→    - SIY Body scan less intense then MBSR body scan.
   186→  - 1m Warm up mindful breathing
   187→  - 6m Scan Body 1 m per region, 6m total.
   188→    - Head - top, ears, back
   189→    - Face - Forehead, eyes, cheeks nose, lips, gums/tongue.
   190→    - Neck+Shoulders - neck, throat, shoulders
   191→    - Back - low, mid, upper back.
   192→    - Front - Chest and stomach
   193→    - Whole Body
   194→  - 2m Scan for Emotion - for an emotion, ok if none found.
   195→  - 3m Experience Positive Emotion - think of something awesome, and see how it feels in your body/face/shoulders/tension.
   196→  - 1m Cool Down mindful breathing.
   197→- Journalling For Self Assessment
   198→  - Journal
   199→    - Prompt, then free association on paper. (I use [750words](http://www.750words.com))
   200→    - Prompts to try:
   201→      - What I am feeling now
   202→      - I am aware that
   203→      - What motivates me is
   204→      - I am inspired by
   205→      - Today, I aspire to
   206→      - What hurts me is
   207→      - I wish
   208→      - Others are
   209→      - I made a happy mistake
   210→      - Love is
   211→  - 2m Positive Prime - Times when you did great, and are satisfied.
   212→  - 2m per Prompt/Free Associate - **1.** Things that give me pleasure are. **2.** My strengths are.
   213→  - 2m Negative Prime - Times when you responded negatively, where you weren't satisfied.
   214→  - 2m per Prompt/Free Associate - **1.** Things that annoy me are. **2.** My weaknesses are.
   215→- My emotions are not me.
   216→  - Emotions go from existential -> experiential -> physiological
   217→  - I am happy -> I feel happy -> I experience happy in my body
   218→
   219→### 5) Developing Self Mastery
   220→
   221→_Riding your emotions like a horse_
   222→
   223→- **GOAL: Compulsion -> Choice ([7H: Choose your response](/7h-c1))**
   224→- About Self Regulation
   225→  - Self-Control: Disruptive emotions under control
   226→  - Trustworthiness: Maintain honesty and integrity
   227→  - Conscientiousness: Responsibility for personal performance
   228→  - Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change
   229→  - Innovation: Being comfortable with novel ideas
   230→- NOT Avoiding or Suppressing Emotions
   231→  - It's about being skillful with emotions.
   232→  - Anger vs Indignation, anger powerless, but indignation a source of calm power.
   233→  - Negative emotions are at time appropriate, like for feeling empathy.
   234→- **Letting go WHILE STILL appreciating the ups and downs.**
   235→  - Emotions going to happen, BUT we have the power to let it go.
   236→  - PAIN is short, but SUFFERING is grasping and aversion.
   237→  - Grasping - holding on to something and not letting it go.
   238→  - _Wilting flowers don't cause suffering, it's the unrealistic desire for them to last forever._
   239→  - Aversion - avoiding something and refusing to think about it.
   240→  - _Pain doesn't cause suffering, it's the desire not to experience it that causes suffering._
   241→- Dealing with distress
   242→  - Know when you are not in pain - have a habit of enjoying when not in pain, this gives strength.
   243→  - Do not feel bad about feeling bad - (Meta distress) is not helpful, have grandmother mind on distress.
   244→  - Do not feed the [monsters](/monsters) - distress needs fuel, stop retelling the same story.
   245→    - Personal story - freak out over screwed up basement.
   246→    - When the same story becomes a persistent, repetitive thought loop, it becomes a psychic shadow requiring specialized banishment techniques: {%include summarize-page.html src="/psychic-shadows" %}
   247→  - Start every thought with kindness and humor - It's nicer that way, gives us reserve to deal with hardship.
   248→- Triggers - A small event results in an objectively too big response.
   249→  - Often have a repeated 'emotional' injury.
   250→  - Need to respond quickly in the moment (SBNRR), but do a SBNRR meditation afterwards to process and get better.
   251→  - More time you proactive long form, better you get in short form.
   252→- Identify triggers:
   253→  - Body - shallow breathing, rapid heartbeat, sick to stomach.
   254→  - Emotions - Amydala hijack, fight or flight, frozen
   255→  - Thoughts - Victim, blame, judgment, trouble focusing, outrage
   256→- **S**i**B**erinan **N**orthern **R**ail**R**oad:
   257→  - Stop, Breathe, Notice, Reflect, Respond.
   258→  - **Stop** is sacred, even for a few seconds. **Breathing** extends the pause.
   259→  - **Notice** to realize and calm the is a physiological response,
   260→    - I am angry -> I feel angry -> my body is experiencing anger.
   261→  - **Reflect** to calm the psychological response, and engage cognative process [cognative reframe].
   262→    - Every one wants to be happy, and act in a rationale way.
   263→  - **Respond** think of most helpful/appropriate response you can think of.
   264→    - Triggering the other person, will make situation escalate. Be calm.
   265→    - People will feel bad on own if needed.
   266→- Siberian northern railroad Meditation.
   267→  - 0.5m of mindful breathing: Warm up
   268→  - 2m: Priming/Focus negative emotions
   269→    - What was the emotion, the first emotion, where did you feel it, how do you feel now.
   270→    - Relive the negative emotion
   271→  - 0.5m: Stop/Breathe
   272→  - 1m: Notice and Experience
   273→  - 1m: Reflect on Origin
   274→  - 1m :Imagine Response
   275→  - 2m: Return to grounding: Tight fist, open to release emotion, 60s mindfulness breathing.
   276→- From self regulation to self confidence.
   277→  - Aversion operates by distracting. Instead of feeling vulnerable, we focus on other person being a dick.
   278→- Making Friends with emotions
   279→  - Blindly reacting to emotion or fighting hard, makes it worse.
   280→  - Instead, just observe, and reflect on the emotions, befriend them and they go away.
   281→  - See Getting to yes with yourself.
   282→
   283→### 6) Art of self motivation and building resilience
   284→
   285→_Making Profits, Rowing Across Oceans, and Changing The World_
   286→
   287→- **GOAL: Find your purpose then be resilliant to failure.**
   288→- Learn your **Purpose**, as you get good you hit **flow**, and then you get recognition and **pleasure**. See [post](/happy)
   289→  - Priority order: Satisfaction, Flow, and Pleasure.
   290→- Motivation: **Align** work with purpose. **Envision** future we desire. **Overcome** obstacles through resilience.
   291→- Alignment - Work is _meaningful_ for you, you frequently hit _flow_.
   292→- Flow - focused attention. Meditation helps.
   293→- Autonomy, Mastery, Purpose
   294→  - Pink's candle attach candle to wall experiment
   295→  - AMP provides creativity, rewards do not.
   296→  - Give employees why and outcome, let them figure out the how.
   297→- Know and align yourself
   298→  - Mindfulness -> Self Awareness -> You can figure out the opportunities to AMP.
   299→  - Abstract concepts, need to verbalize or write down to find them.
   300→  - [7H: Personal mission statement, funeral exercise.](/7h-c2)
   301→- Discovering values and higher purpose
   302→  - Prompts: My core values are, I stand for.
   303→  - Alone: Journal
   304→  - Group Mindful Listening: Speaker describes, group mindful listening, then free discussion afterwards to clarify.
   305→  - End meta.
   306→- Envisioning: Begin with the end in mind.
   307→  - Visualize it makes it much easier.
   308→  - Doing your mission exhausting at first (discovering your values) then energizing (figuring out how to achieve it).
   309→  - Prompt: If everything goes well, what will I be doing in 5 years.
   310→    - Who are you and what are you doing
   311→    - How do you feel
   312→    - What do people say about you
   313→    - Open mindfulness for a minute
   314→  - Write for 7 minutes.
   315→- Alternate Envisioning:
   316→  - You're at your own Obituary
   317→  - You're at a talk that is deeply touching and inspiring.
   318→    - What did the speaker saying why is it touching you.
   319→    - What makes you look up to the speaker, what do you envy.
   320→    - Imagine the speaker is you.
   321→- Share your ideal future LOTS. Because: 1) Inspire you. 2) Find Allies
   322→  - More you talk, more real it becomes for you, more you flesh it out.
   323→  - **People want to be inspired**
   324→  - People want to help.
   325→  - Sharing with others, will inspire others, and some will help.
   326→- Resilience - ability to remove obstacles, and return to baseline when troubles.
   327→  - Inner Calm - Foundation of optimism and resilience
   328→  - Emotional Resilience - Success/Failure are emotional experiences, build this, and can always celebrate progress.
   329→  - Cognitive Resiliece - How to explain setbacks to ourselves and others, to develop optimism.
   330→  - **Leaders provide this service to their organization and teams**
   331→- Inner calm
   332→  - Day to day things go wrong, but have a deep well of calmness, and can always return to it.
   333→  - Mindfulness key training.
   334→- Emotional Resilience
   335→  - Success/Failure emotional experiences -> Grasping/Aversion
   336→- Resilience Meditation
   337→  - Aversion is an emotion in the body. Get used to it, invite it as a friend.
   338→  - 3 deep breaths to calm the mind.
   339→  - Focus on breathing
   340→  - Quick Body Scan
   341→  - 4m - Experience failure - observe emotions/body
   342→  - Recall these are physiological experiences in the body, not you. Get used to feeling aversion.
   343→  - 30s pause.
   344→  - 4m - Experience success - observe emotions/body
   345→  - Recall these are physiological experiences in the body, not you. Get used to not feeling grasping.
   346→  - Back to mindfulness
   347→- Cognitive Resilience
   348→  - Success is 99% failure.
   349→  - You'll suck until you don't
   350→  - Best explorers lost most of the time'.'
   351→  - Bill gates/Brinn have no idea where they are going till they land it.
   352→  - Optimists: Setbacks are temporary and circumstantial. Overcome by effort and activity, how to overcome.
   353→  - Pessimists: Setbacks make me helpless, I am a failure . Thinks nothing can be done, gives up.
   354→  - Default, negative emotion 3:1 ratio.
   355→  - Imagine you get 2$ for every 1$ lost. Objective HUGE win, but subjective feel like a loser.
   356→  - **Realize you have a huge negative bias.**
   357→- Reducing cognitive negative bias -> Becoming an optimist
   358→  - Don't worry you'll overdue this, your negative bias so string, you'll be lucky if you get to objective.
   359→  - Focus on positive - gratefulness journal.
   360→  - Become objective and transform thinking on Success/Failure:
   361→    - How does your body feel?
   362→    - What story are you telling yourself?
   363→    - Positive, notice if you're downplaying, and take credit
   364→    - Negative, notice you're uplaying:
   365→      - Find evidence temporary.
   366→      - Feeling inadequate, focus on past success.
   367→
   368→### 7) Developing Empathy by connecting to others
   369→
   370→_Empathy and the Monkey business of brain tangos_
   371→
   372→- Empathy is feeling how others feel.
   373→- How to increase empathy
   374→  - Kindness Up => Empathy Up.
   375→  - Similarity Up => Empathy Up.
   376→  - What we think, We Become (why affirmations work)
   377→  - See people and think "they're just like me", and "I want to be kind to them".
   378→- Like me/Loving kindness practice
   379→  - Think about the person is like you (to do record script)
   380→  - Think about the person want loving kindness (todo record script)
   381→- When you get in a fight, go off in corner and do sameness/loving kindness meditation.
   382→- Traditional practice of loving kindness
   383→  - 2M: May I be well, May I be happy, May I be free from suffering
   384→  - 2M: Neutral Person: Be well, Be happy, Be free from suffering
   385→  - 2M: Negative Person: Be well, Be happy, Be free from suffering
   386→- Start with Sincerity, Kindness and Openness
   387→  - Easy for emotional brain to think someone is "bad"
   388→  - Easy for your cognitive brain to see someone is good, but hard to convince your emotions.
   389→- When a new relationship, or things go south
   390→  1. Give people benefit of the doubt.
   391→  1. Trust begins with Trust
   392→- When chairing a meeting: some assumptions
   393→  1. Everyone here to serve a greater good, till proven otherwise
   394→  1. Thus assume, None of us have hidden agendas, until proven otherwise.
   395→  1. Thus assume, Reasonable, even when disagree, until proven otherwise.
   396→- Empathic Listening:
   397→  - Mindful Listening. BUT: answer "I heard you feel", instead of "I heard you say".
   398→  - Prompts:
   399→    - A difficult work situation,
   400→    - Time when you felt pain, but couldn't do anything,
   401→    - Other emotional juice.
   402→- Strengthening empathic listening:
   403→  1. Mindfulness: makes us more perceptive
   404→  1. Kindness: lets us listen better to feeling
   405→  1. Curiosity: wonder at what people might be experiences
   406→  1. Practice: Causes more of mindfulness, kindness, curiosity.
   407→- Informal practice of empathic listening
   408→  - Harder: people don't like to hear 'I hear you feeling ...'
   409→  - PRIME: Mindful Breathing, Loving Kindness/Like Me,
   410→  - START: Remind to be curious, give lots of time.
   411→  - If possible ask how they feel.
   412→  - Interesting you say that, listening to you, I'm hearing....
   413→  - END: Make lots of time to listen and give them lots of air time.
   414→  - META: Was this conversation helpful to you?
   415→- **Political Awareness:** Empathy at the organization level, instead of personal level.
   416→- Political awareness practices:
   417→  - Empathy practices, but on steroids.
   418→  - Have a cross organization network of people you care about and trust and nurture them.
   419→  - Read the currents: How are decisions made? Authority/Consensus? Who is influencer?
   420→  - Distinguish: Your/Team/Organization's interests.
   421→  - Use Self awareness to understand your role.
   422→  - Use Empathic listening to undresatnd how people feel about situation and each other.
   423→- **Political awareness exercise**:
   424→  - Journal, or tell a friend
   425→  - PRIME: Think of a big, real conflict with lots of potency to you.
   426→  - Describe the situation as if you're right for 3m.
   427→  - Describe the situation as if other person right for 3m.
   428→  - Meta conversation.
   429→- Good news
   430→  - Empathy is feeling what other feels. Better Self Awareness, Better Empathy.
   431→  - XRef: Trust is basis of Mentoring
   432→  - XRef: Lack of Trust basis of 5 dysfunctions of a team.
   433→  - Kindness is a sustainable source of happiness
   434→- Not summarized
   435→  - Empathy, the brain and monkey business
   436→  - Praising people for working hard, not for being smart.
   437→    - TODO: Get Sean/Ammon's help on these.
   438→    - Your super power is someone can bring you a rough story, and you will make it great.
   439→    - NOT:Your super power is you're a great story teller.
   440→
   441→### 8) Leadership and Social Skills
   442→
   443→_Being Effective and Loved at the same time_
   444→
   445→- Lead with compassion, influence with goodness, communicate with goodness.
   446→- **Mantra: Love them. Understand them. Forgive Them. Grow with them.**
   447→- Most effective commanders are liked by their crews.
   448→- Talking about personal stuff, helps both of you build empathy.
   449→- Using Kindness to grow friendship from an ugly situation
   450→  - When something goes wrong, you can usually help each other, and through that build respect, trust and friendship.
   451→- Compassion: Mental state with concern for suffering of others and aspiration to see suffering relieved.
   452→  - Cognitive Compassion - I understand you
   453→  - Emotional Component - I feel for you
   454→  - Motivational Component - I want to help you.
   455→- Compassionate leadership is the most effective leadership
   456→  - Go from "I" to "We" to unlock the team. I is personal ego and doesn't allow others to participate and engage.
   457→  - Good to Great best business book ever, Defines Level 5 leaders.
   458→  - L5 leaders highly ambitious, but focused on greater good.
   459→    - Removes the self, and thus, allows others to inspire and contribute.
   460→    - Compassion (I understand you) and (I feel for you), remove the I, and (I want to help you) causes greater good.
   461→- Training compassion by multiplying goodness
   462→  - Build mental habits - more you think about it, more often you do it.
   463→  - Compassion mental habit is goodness.
   464→  - Use visualization to help us, since visualizing it helps.
   465→- Multiply Goodness Meditation
   466→  - Visualize breathing in goodness, it multiplying 10 fold, breathing out goodness.
   467→  - 2M pause
   468→  - Visualize each in breath bringing in goodness, it multiplying 10x in heart, breath out and white light expands
   469→  - 2m pause
   470→  - Visualize goodness in those we know. Visualize goodness radiating from their bodies, when you breathe in, bring it int o your heart.
   471→  - 2m pause
   472→  - Visualize goodness in everyone on the planet, breathe in all the goodness into your heart.
   473→  - 2m pause
   474→  - 1m mindfulness
   475→- Why multiply goodness works - it trains
   476→
   477→  - Seeing goodness in others - Builds (I understand you, and feel for you)
   478→  - Giving goodness to all - Builds I want to help you.
   479→  - Confidence that you can do it - Become comfortable doing it more and more.
   480→
   481→- Compassion Training For the brave - Tonglen:
   482→  - Advanced practice, come back when you've mastered more exercises.
   483→  - Like multiplying goodness, but you breathe in suffering, transform it to suffering, and radiate it out.
   484→  - Dali Lama main practice
   485→  - Trains you that you can transform suffering into goodness.
   486→  - Powerful since teaches you you can avoid aversion because you can remove suffering.
   487→- Influencing with goodness
   488→  - Already influencing, GOAL: Expand, and use it for good of all.
   489→  - People want to minimize danger (HUGE energy) , maximize reward (small energy).
   490→  - Negative Interaction have huge impact, vs Positive Interactions have small impact.
   491→  - Marriage needs 5:1 positive to negative to avoid divorce.
   492→- The SCARF MODEL for social brain
   493→  - **Status:** Where am I in the pecking order
   494→    - **BUILD:** Give credit, and feedback, ups peoples status
   495→    - Predicts longevity
   496→    - Threats triggered very easily
   497→    - Feel good about our status by compare ourselves to former self improving.
   498→  - **Certainty:** Do I know what what's going on.
   499→    - **Build:** removing ambiguity, and giving people certainly on things that matter.
   500→    - Uncertainty causes rumination, and can be debilitating
   501→    - Worried about your job, can't do anything cuz sucks up all brain power.
   502→  - **Autonomy:** Do I have control over the situation?
   503→    - **Build:** making clear it's people's choice, not yours.
   504→    - Not having control causes the stress, not the "experience".
   505→  - **Relatedness:** Is other person friend or foe.
   506→    - **Build:** by taking time to know people.
   507→    - Easy to make friends by saying hi, shaking hands, etc.
   508→  - **Fairness:**
   509→    - **Build:** making clear that you're being fair.
   510→    - Voluntarily injure themselves to fight injustice.
   511→    - Doesn't make sense but happens - see ultimatim experiment.
   512→    - Never underestimate sense of fairness, causes people self sacrifice.
   513→- Expand your influence
   514→  - Know you have influence
   515→  - Build confidence (removes ego) in lets you do this.
   516→  - Understand people and help them succeed -
   517→- How goodness can change a man's life in 10 minutes
   518→  - Paul eckmen, 10 minutes holding dali lama's hand experienced goodness, stopped being angry, and decided he wanted to change the world.
   519→  - Goodness extremely powerful.
   520→- Communicate with insight
   521→  - Empathy not enough for conversation, also need insight into what is going on.
   522→- Difficult conversations
   523→  - Prepare by walking through the 3 conversations
   524→    - Content: What happened?
   525→      - Be as objective as possible
   526→    - Feeling: What emotions are involved (see SCARF)?
   527→      - Understand emotion impact for you and them.
   528→    - Identity: What does this say about me (am I competent, am I a good person, am I worthy of love)?
   529→      - What is at stake for you about you, and for them about them.
   530→  - Decide whether to raise the issue
   531→    - Is it to make them feel bad? Or to learn something?
   532→  - Start from the objective 3rd story
   533→    - I and You have different perspectives, focus on what a third party will see.
   534→    - Best way to find a common ground.
   535→  - Explore their story and yours
   536→    - Listen to their stories,
   537→    - Reframe from blame/accusation to learning how both contributed, and emotions involved.
   538→  - Problem solve.
   539→    - Figure out a win/win.
   540→- Insight and exercise for difficult conversations
   541→  - Impact was not intention - Clarify her impact on you.
   542→  - Beyond content and emotion, there is identity issues - Hardest thing to talk about, but should be addressed.
   543→    - Boss gives critical feedback, threatens my competence as employee.
   544→    - Wise boss opens with I'm confident with your work. But this thing went wrong, lets talk about it.
   545→- Prepare for difficult conversation
   546→  - Talk to friend or journal
   547→  - 3 conversations from your point of you, including identity (competent/good/love worthy).
   548→  - 3 conversations from their point of you, including identity (competent/good/love worthy).
   549→- Mindful E-mailing + Practice
   550→  - In person get lots of emotional queues non-verbally.
   551→  - Worse, lack of information makes us assume the worst AND believe it to be true.
   552→  - Remember human on other end, just like me. Will make up missing information.
   553→- Practice Difficult E-mail.
   554→
   555→  - Deep breath.
   556→  - Reflect what the other person will read, think about 3 conversations.
   557→  - Write e-mail.
   558→  - Don't send, wait some time, and think through what reader will read. Assume already threatened by you.
   559→
   560→- Compassion leads to happiness:
   561→  - Happiest state is compassion.
   562→  - Zen monks sending happiness off the fMRI chart, say compassion is what puts them in happiest state.
   563→  - Second happiest state is open attention.
   564→- Not summarized
   565→
   566→### 9) The story behind Search Inside Yourself
   567→
   568→_Three easy steps to world peace_
   569→
   570→- Start with Me
   571→- Make meditation a field of science
   572→- Make meditation like exercise
   573→
   574→### Inclining the Mind Toward Joy
   575→
   576→FP: NOTICING JOY IN ONE BREATH
   577→
   578→IP: NOTICING JOY IN DAILY LIFE - Attending to Joy - Joy on Demand
   579→
   580→FP: INVITING AND ATTENDING TO JOY - The Joyful Mind Rocks at Meditation
   581→
   582→- IP: ATTENDING TO THE JOY OF PLEASANT DAILY EXPERIENCES
   583→
   584→- “Someday, I Will Die,” and Other Happy Thoughts
   585→- IP: AWARENESS OF MORTALITY
   586→
   587→- The Joy of Not Being in Pain
   588→
   589→- IP: JUST NOTE GONE
   590→- FP: JUST NOTE GONE
   591→- Do Not Expect Every Moment, Meditation, or Day to Be Joyful
   592→- Daily Practice to Incline the Mind Toward Joy
   593→
   594→### Uplift the mind in seconds - Sublime States
   595→
   596→{%include summarize-page.html src="/sublime" %}
   597→
   598→### Working with suffering
   599→
   600→When suffering, you need to get to the cognative reframes, but first you need to be able to focus clearly, this requires calming the mind and experiences the pain (and first joy) to handle the reframes.
   601→
   602→Step 1: **Calm the mind** Need to be calm enough to observe and experience.
   603→
   604→Step 2A: **Affective - experience joy**
   605→
   606→- Can always find joy
   607→- Like an oasis in the dessert
   608→- Some days harder then others
   609→- Some days impossible, just need to wait
   610→- Train in non
   611→- pain makes it easier, like gym.
   612→
   613→Step 2B: **Affective - experience pain**
   614→
   615→- Pain in Body
   616→- Tension
   617→- Pit in stomach
   618→- Heart pounding
   619→- Nausia
   620→- Be willing to experience the pain in the body
   621→
   622→Approach:
   623→
   624→- Realize unpleasant experiences in the body
   625→- Realize root cause of suffering is aversion
   626→- Apply loving kindness to the aversion and the self
   627→- Apply equinimity - be calm watching the emotions
   628→- These emotions are not me
   629→- These thoughts are not me
   630→- Just bodily experiences
   631→
   632→Step 3: **Cognition - Use your cognition to resolve**
   633→
   634→- Many reframes
   635→- Caused by others
   636→  - apply kindness and compassion
   637→  - Think the best of the person
   638→  - Human attribute error
   639→  - Get mad at suffering not the person. Like mad at the thrower not the rock.
   640→- Caused by self/mistake
   641→  - apply kindness and compassion to self
   642→  - See through eyes of best friend
   643→- Something bad has/will happen - test if catastrophizing. We make up stories
   644→- Gain perspective - more time, more dimensions
   645→- Realize what a mircle everything is - earth/civilizatoin/body/etc
   646→- With humor - no humor; no perspective
   647→
   648→**Failure comes pre-installed**
   649→
   650→- First I walk down the street, don't see the hole and walk in
   651→- Second, I see hole, and walk in.
   652→  - The hardest day
   653→  - You see the hole, but can't stop yourself as don't know how
   654→- Third, I see the hole, and I avoid it
   655→  - Build the ability to fix the problem, to walk around the hole.
   656→
   657→It's like juggling. Just because you can juggle 3 balls, you can't juggle 4 or 5 or 7.
   658→
   659→Also like diving. Any small issue can kill you.
   660→
   661→Dive training requires handling and practicing each failure mode.
   662→
   663→New divers can handle 1 problem, and then frequently abort their dive.
   664→Experienced diver can probably handle 2 or 3 then abort
   665→Pro divers can handle several combinations of problems.
   666→
   667→- Step 1 in Working with Emotional Pain: The Attentional Step
   668→- Step 2 in Working with Emotional Pain: The Affective Step
   669→- Willingness to Experience Joy
   670→- The Tiger and the Strawberry
   671→- Just Because You’re in Pain Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be Joyful
   672→- Willingness to Experience the Emotional Pain
   673→- Step 3 in Working with Emotional Pain: The Cognitive Step
   674→- Being Very Good at Working With Emotional Pain
   675→- Is That So?
   676→- Failure Is Not an Option, It Comes Preinstalled
   677→- The Art of Suffering Is Love
   678→- The Art of Suffering is love.
   679→
   680→### What meditation mastery looks like
   681→
   682→- Joy Is Not the Only Path
   683→- When Meditation Becomes Effortless
   684→- What Is It Like to Be Very Seasoned at Meditation?
   685→- Maturity of Samatha (Calm-Abiding) Practice
   686→- Mastery of Samatha (Calm-Abiding)
   687→- Maturity of Vipassana (Insight) Practice
   688→- Mastery of Vipassana (Insight)
   689→- Maturity of Brahmavihara (Sublime States) Practice
   690→- Freedom!
   691→

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

     1→# Content Guidelines by Post Type
     2→
     3→## Core Consistency Rules
     4→
     5→### Style Consistency Principle
     6→
     7→**If you choose to deviate from the recommended style guidelines below, maintain that deviation consistently throughout the entire piece.** Mixing styles within a single post creates jarring reader experiences.
     8→
     9→**Examples of acceptable consistent deviations:**
    10→
    11→- Using "we" throughout an entire post (but never mixing "we" and "I")
    12→- Writing in third person for a specific piece (but maintaining it throughout)
    13→- Using formal academic tone for technical content (but not switching to conversational mid-post)
    14→- Adopting a specific narrative voice for storytelling posts
    15→
    16→### Inconsistency Warnings
    17→
    18→**AI assistants and editors should flag these inconsistencies:**
    19→
    20→- ❌ Switching between "I" and "we" within the same post
    21→- ❌ Mixing formal and conversational tones randomly
    22→- ❌ Starting personal then becoming impersonal
    23→- ❌ Inconsistent use of headers, bullet styles, or formatting
    24→- ❌ Switching between metaphorical frameworks mid-post
    25→- ❌ Changing target audience assumptions (expert → beginner → expert)
    26→
    27→**The goal:** Readers should feel like they're having one coherent conversation, not multiple conversations stitched together.
    28→
    29→---
    30→
    31→## Universal Writing Style (All Content)
    32→
    33→### Voice and Perspective
    34→
    35→- **Always use "I"** for personal perspective, never "we"
    36→- **Direct and concise** - avoid flowery language where it obscures meaning
    37→- **Personal but pragmatic** tone
    38→- **Conversational vulnerability** - write like you're having coffee with a thoughtful friend who shares real struggles
    39→- **Vulnerable but authoritative** - show uncertainty alongside expertise
    40→- **Systems thinking approach** - naturally build frameworks and structured approaches
    41→- **Metaphorical thinking** - use consistent metaphors (dragons, mountains, rivers) to explain complex concepts
    42→
    43→### Language Patterns
    44→
    45→- **Questions to engage readers** and introduce new sections
    46→- **Concrete examples** over abstract concepts
    47→- **"Here's what I learned"** rather than "You should do this"
    48→- **Strategic use of rich metaphors** when they enhance understanding
    49→- **Self-deprecating humor** with phrases like "completely aspirational" and acknowledgment of personal flaws
    50→- **Vulnerability as strength** - openly discussing fears, failures, and contradictions
    51→- **Research integration** - heavy citing of books, studies, and external sources
    52→- **Avoid marketing speak and buzzwords** - no "revolutionary," "game-changing," or corporate jargon
    53→
    54→### Avoiding AI Writing Patterns
    55→
    56→**These patterns make writing feel generic and machine-generated. Avoid them:**
    57→
    58→_Reference: [Wikipedia: Signs of AI Writing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Signs_of_AI_writing)_
    59→
    60→**❌ Undue emphasis phrases:**
    61→
    62→- "stands as", "serves as", "plays a vital role in"
    63→- "underscores its significance", "highlights the importance"
    64→- "captivates both X and Y alike"
    65→- Instead: Be direct and specific about what something does or means
    66→
    67→**❌ Promotional/tourism language:**
    68→
    69→- "nestled within the breathtaking", "rich cultural heritage"
    70→- "must-visit", "hidden gem", "boasts a wide array"
    71→- Instead: Use concrete, sensory details and personal experience
    72→
    73→**❌ Editorializing phrases:**
    74→
    75→- "it's important to note that", "it's worth mentioning"
    76→- "notably", "importantly", "significantly"
    77→- Instead: Just state the point directly - if it's in your post, it's already important
    78→
    79→**❌ Superficial -ing phrase overuse:**
    80→
    81→- "highlighting the fact that", "showcasing the importance"
    82→- "demonstrating the value of", "emphasizing the need for"
    83→- Instead: Use active verbs and direct statements
    84→
    85→**❌ Formulaic conjunctions:**
    86→
    87→- Starting many sentences with "Additionally", "Furthermore", "Moreover"
    88→- Essay-like synthesis language that sounds academic rather than conversational
    89→- Instead: Use natural transitions and vary sentence structure
    90→
    91→**❌ Vague intensifiers:**
    92→
    93→- "very unique", "extremely important", "highly significant"
    94→- "truly remarkable", "particularly noteworthy"
    95→- Instead: Show don't tell - use specific examples that demonstrate importance
    96→
    97→**✅ Better approaches:**
    98→
    99→- Use specific numbers, names, and details over vague descriptions
   100→- Write like you're explaining to a friend, not composing an essay
   101→- Let the content speak for itself rather than emphasizing its importance
   102→- Replace abstract analysis with concrete observations
   103→- Use plain, direct language over formal academic phrasing
   104→
   105→### Structure Elements
   106→
   107→- **Extensive use of headers** for easy scanning
   108→- **Bullet points** to chunk information
   109→- **Table of contents** for longer pieces (auto-generated via vim-markdown-toc)
   110→- **Heavy cross-referencing** using `{% include summarize-page.html %}` for internal linking
   111→- **Progressive disclosure** - start with simple concepts, then drill deeper
   112→- **Iterative development** - posts evolve over time with update notes
   113→- **Framework building** - most posts end with practical application methods
   114→
   115→### Engagement Techniques
   116→
   117→- **Rhetorical questions** as section breaks
   118→- **Direct reader address** ("I bet you don't either")
   119→- **Dialog format** for internal conflicts and decision-making (real and imagined conversations)
   120→- **Real-time authenticity** - admit uncertainty and show work in progress
   121→- **Meta-commentary** on your own writing and thinking process
   122→- **Personal anecdotes as teaching tools** - stories that illustrate broader principles
   123→- **Pre-mortem/scenario planning** - regular use of "what if" thinking
   124→
   125→---
   126→
   127→## Content Type Guidelines
   128→
   129→### 1. Book Summaries/Reviews
   130→
   131→**Purpose:** Process learning and share insights from books that shaped your thinking
   132→
   133→**Structure:**
   134→
   135→- Always include book cover image and Amazon affiliate link
   136→- Use chapter-by-chapter breakdown for systematic books
   137→- Include "Why this book matters" section
   138→- End with "How this applies to you" practical takeaways
   139→
   140→**Voice:** Analytical teacher - "Here's what I learned and how you can apply it"
   141→
   142→**Key Elements:**
   143→
   144→- Heavy use of structured outlines and bullet points
   145→- Personal application examples throughout
   146→- Quote key passages that resonated
   147→- Connect to your existing frameworks and other books
   148→
   149→**Length:** 300-600 lines typically
   150→
   151→**Tags:** `book-notes`, plus relevant topic tags
   152→
   153→### 2. Personal Philosophy/Identity Posts
   154→
   155→**Purpose:** Work through fundamental life questions while creating frameworks others can use
   156→
   157→**Structure:**
   158→
   159→- Start with personal stakes - why this matters to you
   160→- Use creative metaphors consistently throughout (dragons, circles, etc.)
   161→- Include both emotional and logical analysis
   162→- Create memorable frameworks with clear components
   163→
   164→**Voice:** Vulnerable philosopher - "Here's how I think about life"
   165→
   166→**Key Elements:**
   167→
   168→- **Dialog format** for internal conflicts ("Dragon:" conversations)
   169→- **Extensive personal anecdotes** as proof points
   170→- **Alert boxes** for important caveats
   171→- **Visual elements** (images, diagrams) to break up text
   172→- **Cross-references** to related life frameworks
   173→
   174→**Length:** 400-1000+ lines for major pieces
   175→
   176→**Tags:** `how igor ticks`, plus relevant topics
   177→
   178→### 3. Professional/Management Content
   179→
   180→**Purpose:** Share hard-won workplace wisdom and practical frameworks
   181→
   182→**Structure:**
   183→
   184→- Start with the problem/challenge
   185→- Provide systematic framework or approach
   186→- Include specific workplace examples
   187→- Link to deeper reference materials
   188→- Include "what doesn't work" sections
   189→
   190→**Voice:** Experienced practitioner - "Here's what works in practice"
   191→
   192→**Key Elements:**
   193→
   194→- **Tactical advice** with concrete steps
   195→- **War stories** from actual management experience
   196→- **References to "Igor's book of..."** deeper materials
   197→- **Quantified examples** where possible
   198→- **Team scenarios** and people stories
   199→
   200→**Length:** 150-300 lines typically
   201→
   202→**Tags:** `manager`, `software engineering`, `emotional intelligence`
   203→
   204→### 4. Reference/Framework Content
   205→
   206→**Purpose:** Create comprehensive, living documents for personal and public use
   207→
   208→**Structure:**
   209→
   210→- Comprehensive table of contents
   211→- Clear section headers for easy navigation
   212→- "Quick reference" sections for immediate use
   213→- Update logs showing evolution over time
   214→
   215→**Voice:** Systematic organizer - "Here's a complete framework"
   216→
   217→**Key Elements:**
   218→
   219→- **Heavy cross-linking** between related concepts
   220→- **Actionable sections** with specific steps
   221→- **Examples and scenarios** for each major point
   222→- **Regular updates** with new insights
   223→- **Multiple entry points** for different use cases
   224→
   225→**Length:** 500-1000+ lines for comprehensive guides
   226→
   227→**Tags:** `framework`, `reference`, plus topic-specific tags
   228→
   229→### 5. Major Life Decision Documentation
   230→
   231→**Purpose:** Work through significant choices while creating reusable decision-making frameworks
   232→
   233→**Structure:**
   234→
   235→- Establish stakes and timeline
   236→- Map out all considerations systematically
   237→- Use creative metaphors to explore emotional aspects
   238→- Document decision-making process in real-time
   239→- Include uncertainty and evolution of thinking
   240→
   241→**Voice:** Thoughtful decision-maker - "Here's how I'm working through this"
   242→
   243→**Key Elements:**
   244→
   245→- **Real-time processing** with timestamps
   246→- **Both rational and emotional analysis**
   247→- **Creative frameworks** (dragons, councils, etc.)
   248→- **Progress tracking** and milestone documentation
   249→- **Honest uncertainty** and course corrections
   250→
   251→**Length:** 700+ lines for major decisions
   252→
   253→**Tags:** `decision-making`, plus relevant life area tags
   254→
   255→### 6. Practical Hobby/Lifestyle Posts
   256→
   257→**Purpose:** Share what works in daily life - products, approaches, systems
   258→
   259→**Structure:**
   260→
   261→- Problem or need statement
   262→- Solution overview
   263→- Specific recommendations with reasoning
   264→- Personal experience and results
   265→- Alternative options and trade-offs
   266→
   267→**Voice:** Helpful enthusiast - "Here's what works for me"
   268→
   269→**Key Elements:**
   270→
   271→- **Product links** and specific model numbers
   272→- **Personal experience** with timeline
   273→- **Comparison with alternatives**
   274→- **Practical setup tips**
   275→- **Cost/benefit analysis**
   276→
   277→**Length:** 50-200 lines typically
   278→
   279→**Tags:** `toys`, `biking`, `health`, plus specific categories
   280→
   281→### 7. Journal/Exploration Content
   282→
   283→**Purpose:** Think through emerging topics and capture evolving insights
   284→
   285→**Structure:**
   286→
   287→- Date-based entries showing progression
   288→- Stream-of-consciousness exploration
   289→- Questions and uncertainties
   290→- Links to related reading/research
   291→- Periodic synthesis and pattern identification
   292→
   293→**Voice:** Curious explorer - "Here's what I'm figuring out"
   294→
   295→**Key Elements:**
   296→
   297→- **Experimental thinking** without predetermined conclusions
   298→- **Question collections** and research notes
   299→- **Pattern recognition** across different inputs
   300→- **Regular synthesis** attempts
   301→- **Links to external sources** and influences
   302→
   303→**Length:** Variable, grows over time
   304→
   305→**Tags:** `exploration`, `journal`, plus topic tags
   306→
   307→### 8. Personal Narrative/Story Posts
   308→
   309→**Purpose:** Use personal stories and experiences as teaching tools to illustrate broader principles
   310→
   311→**Structure:**
   312→
   313→- Set scene with personal context
   314→- Develop story with specific details and dialogue
   315→- Extract universal principles or lessons
   316→- Connect to broader frameworks or life philosophy
   317→- Invite reader reflection or application
   318→
   319→**Voice:** Reflective storyteller - "Here's what this experience taught me"
   320→
   321→**Key Elements:**
   322→
   323→- **AI conversations** with Tony (life coach) showing real-time processing
   324→- **Family adventures and moments** that illustrate larger principles
   325→- **Life transition narratives** about major changes and decisions
   326→- **Identity conflict stories** (bike vs car, work vs family, etc.)
   327→- **Dialogue format** showing internal or external conversations
   328→- **Specific sensory details** that make stories vivid and memorable
   329→
   330→**Length:** 200-800 lines typically
   331→
   332→**Tags:** `story`, `narrative`, plus relevant life area tags
   333→
   334→---
   335→
   336→## Content Development Workflow
   337→
   338→### 1. Start with Purpose
   339→
   340→- **Personal processing** - What am I trying to figure out?
   341→- **Public value** - How can this help others?
   342→- **Framework building** - What systematic approach am I developing?
   343→
   344→### 2. Choose Content Type
   345→
   346→- Match your purpose to the appropriate content type above
   347→- Consider hybrid approaches for complex topics
   348→- Plan for potential evolution (exploration → framework → published advice)
   349→
   350→### 3. Apply Type-Specific Guidelines
   351→
   352→- Use the voice and structure patterns for your chosen type
   353→- Include all key elements relevant to that content type
   354→- Follow the suggested length guidelines
   355→
   356→### 4. Cross-Link and Connect
   357→
   358→- Reference related content throughout
   359→- Build connections between different frameworks
   360→- Update existing content with new insights
   361→
   362→### 5. Tag and Organize
   363→
   364→- Use consistent tagging system
   365→- Include type-specific tags plus topic tags
   366→- Consider searchability and future discovery
   367→
   368→---
   369→
   370→## Special Considerations
   371→
   372→### Dual-Purpose Content
   373→
   374→Most substantial content should serve both personal processing AND public teaching. This is your superpower - turning personal work into valuable public content.
   375→
   376→### Living Documents
   377→
   378→Many pieces should be treated as living documents that get updated over time with new insights, examples, and refinements.
   379→
   380→### Authentic Vulnerability
   381→
   382→Your willingness to show uncertainty, mistakes, and work-in-progress thinking is what makes the content uniquely valuable. Maintain this across all content types.
   383→
   384→### Framework Thinking
   385→
   386→You naturally build systematic approaches to complex topics. Lean into this strength by making frameworks explicit and reusable.
   387→
   388→### Meta-Awareness
   389→
   390→Your ability to comment on your own thinking process adds depth and authenticity. Include this meta-commentary where it serves the content.
   391→
   392→---
   393→
   394→## Technical Implementation Guide
   395→
   396→### Alert Boxes
   397→
   398→Use alert boxes to highlight important information, warnings, or construction notices:
   399→
   400→**Syntax:**
   401→
   402→```liquid
   403→{% include alert.html content="Your message here" style="info" %}
   404→{% include alert.html content="Warning or caution message" style="warning" %}
   405→{% include alert.html content="Work in progress notice" style="danger" %}
   406→```
   407→
   408→**Common use cases:**
   409→
   410→- Construction/work-in-progress notices
   411→- Important caveats or disclaimers
   412→- Cross-references to related content
   413→- Privilege acknowledgments
   414→
   415→**Example:**
   416→
   417→```liquid
   418→{% include alert.html content="🚧 Construction Zone 🚧 This post is in heavy progress! 🔨 Check back later for updates ⏳" style="warning" %}
   419→```
   420→
   421→### URL Redirects
   422→
   423→Set up redirects for shorter, memorable URLs using both `redirect_from` and `alias`:
   424→
   425→**Syntax:**
   426→
   427→```yaml
   428→redirect_from:
   429→  - /shortname
   430→  - /abbreviation
   431→alias:
   432→  - /shortname
   433→  - /abbreviation
   434→```
   435→
   436→**Example:**
   437→
   438→```yaml
   439→redirect_from:
   440→  - /7habits
   441→  - /7h
   442→alias:
   443→  - /7habits
   444→  - /7h
   445→```
   446→
   447→### Book Links and Amazon Affiliate Integration
   448→
   449→Use the Amazon include for book references with ASIN numbers:
   450→
   451→**Syntax:**
   452→
   453→```liquid
   454→{% include amazon.html asin="ASIN_NUMBER" %}
   455→{% include amazon.html asin="ASIN1;ASIN2;ASIN3" %}
   456→```
   457→
   458→**Examples:**
   459→
   460→```liquid
   461→{% include amazon.html asin="0071499938" %}
   462→{% include amazon.html asin="B07LDSPRYM;B00506CSDQ;B07C66Z4M4" %}
   463→```
   464→
   465→**How it works:**
   466→
   467→- ASINs are looked up in `_data/asins.json` for title, image, and description
   468→- Automatically includes affiliate tag (`ighe-20`)
   469→- Falls back to generic Amazon image if product data not available
   470→- Supports multiple books separated by semicolons
   471→- Images are styled consistently with fallback text if images fail to load
   472→
   473→**Best practices:**
   474→
   475→- Use ASIN numbers (found in Amazon URLs) rather than direct links
   476→- Group related books together in single include
   477→- Place near relevant text sections
   478→- ASIN data is managed automatically via scripts in `/scripts/` directory
   479→
   480→### Images
   481→
   482→Use the custom image includes for consistent formatting:
   483→
   484→**Right-floating images:**
   485→
   486→```liquid
   487→{% include blob_image_float_right.html src="blog/image-name.webp" %}
   488→```
   489→
   490→**Standard images:**
   491→
   492→```liquid
   493→{% include blob_image.html src="blog/image-name.webp" %}
   494→```
   495→
   496→**Small right-floating images (25% width):**
   497→
   498→```liquid
   499→{% include blob_image_float_right_w25.html src="blog/image-name.webp" %}
   500→```
   501→
   502→**Image best practices:**
   503→
   504→- Use WebP format for efficiency
   505→- Store images in the GitHub blob: `https://github.com/idvorkin/blob/raw/master/blog/filename.webp`
   506→- Reference using relative paths in includes: `blog/filename.webp`
   507→- Place floating images near relevant text sections
   508→
   509→### Cross-References and Internal Linking
   510→
   511→Use the summarize-page include for rich internal linking:
   512→
   513→**Syntax:**
   514→
   515→```liquid
   516→{% include summarize-page.html src="/page-name" %}
   517→```
   518→
   519→**How it works:**
   520→
   521→- Automatically pulls title and description from the linked page
   522→- Creates a styled summary box with proper attribution
   523→- Uses data from `back-links.json` for consistent metadata
   524→- Provides rich preview of the linked content
   525→
   526→**When to use:**
   527→
   528→- Referencing related comprehensive posts
   529→- Building connections between related frameworks
   530→- Providing deeper dive options
   531→- Creating content clusters around themes
   532→- Cross-linking between book summaries and related life posts
   533→
   534→**Examples:**
   535→
   536→```liquid
   537→{% include summarize-page.html src="/7habits" %}
   538→{% include summarize-page.html src="/death" %}
   539→{% include summarize-page.html src="/gap-year" %}
   540→```
   541→
   542→### Matrix Visualizations
   543→
   544→#### Quadrant Matrix (2x2 Grid)
   545→
   546→Use the quadrant-matrix include for any 2x2 grid visualizations like personality types, decision matrices, or prioritization frameworks:
   547→
   548→**Syntax:**
   549→
   550→```liquid
   551→{% include quadrant-matrix.html
   552→    title="Main Title"
   553→    subtitle="Optional subtitle"
   554→    x_label="X Axis Label →"
   555→    y_label="Y Axis Label →"
   556→    q1_name="TOP-RIGHT NAME"
   557→    q1_subtitle="Optional subtitle"
   558→    q1_traits="Line 1<br>Line 2<br>Line 3"
   559→    q1_color="rgba(255, 224, 224, 0.5)"
   560→    q2_name="TOP-LEFT NAME"
   561→    q2_subtitle="Optional subtitle"
   562→    q2_traits="Description here"
   563→    q2_color="rgba(230, 230, 250, 0.5)"
   564→    q3_name="BOTTOM-LEFT NAME"
   565→    q3_subtitle="Optional subtitle"
   566→    q3_traits="Description here"
   567→    q3_color="rgba(232, 244, 234, 0.5)"
   568→    q4_name="BOTTOM-RIGHT NAME"
   569→    q4_subtitle="Optional subtitle"
   570→    q4_traits="Description here"
   571→    q4_color="rgba(255, 229, 180, 0.5)"
   572→%}
   573→```
   574→
   575→**Parameters:**
   576→
   577→- `title`, `subtitle`: Main headings for the matrix
   578→- `x_label`, `y_label`: Axis labels with directional arrows
   579→- `q1-q4`: Quadrants numbered clockwise from top-right
   580→  - `q#_name`: Main heading in quadrant
   581→  - `q#_subtitle`: Optional subtitle
   582→  - `q#_traits`: Description (use `<br>` for line breaks)
   583→  - `q#_color`: Background color (hex or rgba)
   584→
   585→**Common use cases:**
   586→
   587→- **PANAS Personality Types**: Mad Scientist, Cheerleader, Judge, Poet
   588→- **Eisenhower Matrix**: Urgent/Important task prioritization
   589→- **Risk Assessment**: Probability/Impact matrix
   590→- **SWOT Analysis**: Strengths/Weaknesses/Opportunities/Threats
   591→- **Energy Management**: High/Low energy vs High/Low focus
   592→
   593→**Example - PANAS Personality Types:**
   594→
   595→```liquid
   596→{% include quadrant-matrix.html
   597→    title="Arthur Brooks' PANAS Personality Types"
   598→    subtitle="Based on the Positive and Negative Affect Schedule"
   599→    x_label="Positive Affect →"
   600→    y_label="Negative Affect →"
   601→    q1_name="MAD SCIENTIST"
   602→    q1_subtitle="Creative Intensity"
   603→    q1_traits="Feels deeply<br>Passionate<br>Ride the waves"
   604→    q1_color="rgba(255, 224, 224, 0.5)"
   605→    q2_name="JUDGE"
   606→    q2_subtitle="Critical Thinker"
   607→    q2_traits="Spots problems<br>High standards<br>Practice gratitude"
   608→    q2_color="rgba(230, 230, 250, 0.5)"
   609→    q3_name="POET"
   610→    q3_subtitle="Calm Observer"
   611→    q3_traits="Steady emotions<br>Zen-like presence<br>Cultivate excitement"
   612→    q3_color="rgba(232, 244, 234, 0.5)"
   613→    q4_name="CHEERLEADER"
   614→    q4_subtitle="Natural Optimist"
   615→    q4_traits="Spreads joy<br>Sees bright side<br>Watch for warnings"
   616→    q4_color="rgba(255, 229, 180, 0.5)"
   617→%}
   618→```
   619→
   620→#### Six-Cell Matrix (2x3 Grid)
   621→
   622→Use the six-cell-matrix include for 2x3 grid visualizations (2 rows × 3 columns). Perfect for models like Influencer 2.0 that have 6 distinct dimensions:
   623→
   624→**Syntax:**
   625→
   626→```liquid
   627→{% include six-cell-matrix.html
   628→    title="Main Title"
   629→    subtitle="Optional subtitle"
   630→    row1_label="Top Row Label"
   631→    row2_label="Bottom Row Label"
   632→    col1_label="Left Column"
   633→    col2_label="Middle Column"
   634→    col3_label="Right Column"
   635→    c1_name="Cell 1 (Top-Left)" c1_subtitle="Subtitle" c1_traits="Description<br>Line 2" c1_color="rgba(232,244,234,0.5)"
   636→    c2_name="Cell 2 (Top-Middle)" c2_subtitle="Subtitle" c2_traits="Description" c2_color="rgba(255,229,180,0.5)"
   637→    c3_name="Cell 3 (Top-Right)" c3_subtitle="Subtitle" c3_traits="Description" c3_color="rgba(255,224,224,0.5)"
   638→    c4_name="Cell 4 (Bottom-Left)" c4_subtitle="Subtitle" c4_traits="Description" c4_color="rgba(230,230,250,0.5)"
   639→    c5_name="Cell 5 (Bottom-Middle)" c5_subtitle="Subtitle" c5_traits="Description" c5_color="rgba(220,245,245,0.5)"
   640→    c6_name="Cell 6 (Bottom-Right)" c6_subtitle="Subtitle" c6_traits="Description" c6_color="rgba(255,240,220,0.5)"
   641→%}
   642→```
   643→
   644→**Parameters:**
   645→
   646→- `title`, `subtitle`: Main headings for the matrix
   647→- `row1_label`, `row2_label`: Labels for the two rows
   648→- `col1_label`, `col2_label`, `col3_label`: Labels for the three columns
   649→- `c1-c6`: Cells numbered left-to-right, top-to-bottom
   650→  - `c#_name`: Main heading in cell
   651→  - `c#_subtitle`: Optional subtitle
   652→  - `c#_traits`: Description (use `<br>` for line breaks)
   653→  - `c#_color`: Background color (hex or rgba)
   654→
   655→**Common use cases:**
   656→
   657→- **Influencer 2.0**: Motivation/Ability × Personal/Social/Structural
   658→- **Project Management**: High/Low priority × Planning/Execution/Review stages
   659→- **Skills Development**: Learn/Practice × Technical/Social/Strategic
   660→- **Any 2×3 framework**: Two categories with three levels each
   661→
   662→**Example - Influencer 2.0:**
   663→
   664→```liquid
   665→{% include six-cell-matrix.html
   666→    title="Influencer 2.0: Six Sources of Influence"
   667→    subtitle="Change happens when you influence across all dimensions"
   668→    row1_label="Motivation"
   669→    row2_label="Ability"
   670→    col1_label="Personal"
   671→    col2_label="Social"
   672→    col3_label="Structural"
   673→    c1_name="Personal Motivation"
   674→    c1_subtitle="Self-Regulation"
   675→    c1_traits="Connect to values<br>Build intrinsic motivation"
   676→    c1_color="rgba(232, 244, 234, 0.5)"
   677→    c2_name="Social Motivation"
   678→    c2_subtitle="Peer Influence"
   679→    c2_traits="Harness peer pressure<br>Build accountability"
   680→    c2_color="rgba(255, 229, 180, 0.5)"
   681→    c3_name="Structural Motivation"
   682→    c3_subtitle="Incentives"
   683→    c3_traits="Design reward systems<br>Align incentives"
   684→    c3_color="rgba(255, 224, 224, 0.5)"
   685→    c4_name="Personal Ability"
   686→    c4_subtitle="Skills"
   687→    c4_traits="Build individual skills<br>Provide training"
   688→    c4_color="rgba(230, 230, 250, 0.5)"
   689→    c5_name="Social Ability"
   690→    c5_subtitle="Support"
   691→    c5_traits="Enable group performance<br>Provide coaching"
   692→    c5_color="rgba(220, 245, 245, 0.5)"
   693→    c6_name="Structural Ability"
   694→    c6_subtitle="Environment"
   695→    c6_traits="Provide tools<br>Remove barriers"
   696→    c6_color="rgba(255, 240, 220, 0.5)"
   697→%}
   698→```
   699→
   700→### Jekyll Front Matter Essentials
   701→
   702→Include these key elements in post front matter:
   703→
   704→```yaml
   705→---
   706→title: "Your Post Title"
   707→layout: post
   708→permalink: /url-slug
   709→imagefeature: https://github.com/idvorkin/blob/raw/master/blog/image.webp
   710→tags:
   711→  - relevant-tag
   712→  - category-tag
   713→redirect_from:
   714→  - /short-url
   715→alias:
   716→  - /short-url
   717→---
   718→```
   719→
   720→**IMPORTANT IMPLEMENTATION RULE:** Always use these technical elements consistently. Alert boxes for important notices, redirects for memorable URLs, affiliate links for books, proper image includes for formatting, summarize-page includes for internal references, and quadrant-matrix includes for 2x2 visualizations.
   721→

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

     1→---
     2→layout: post
     3→title: "The Self vs Ego: Jung's Map for Living Authentically"
     4→permalink: /self-ego
     5→redirect_from:
     6→  - /jung-self
     7→  - /self-vs-ego
     8→alias:
     9→  - /jung-self
    10→  - /self-vs-ego
    11→tags:
    12→  - how igor ticks
    13→  - psychology
    14→  - identity
    15→  - emotional intelligence
    16→---
    17→
    18→I've spent most of my life building an impressive ego. Senior engineer at Meta. Dad of two. The guy who bikes everywhere and does magic tricks at parties. These aren't lies - they're real parts of who I am. But here's what I'm learning: when I'm living entirely for that résumé, when I'm performing my identity instead of living it, something feels hollow.
    19→
    20→Carl Jung had a framework for this tension that I keep coming back to. He distinguished between the Ego (the social self we present to the world) and the Self (the totality of who we are, including the parts we hide or don't know yet). The relationship between these two determines whether we're living authentically or just playing a role.
    21→
    22→This isn't academic psychology for me. This is about the times I've chosen the impressive project over the meaningful one, the performative family moment over the genuine connection, the LinkedIn-worthy achievement over the thing that actually feeds my soul.
    23→
    24→<!-- prettier-ignore-start -->
    25→<!-- vim-markdown-toc-start -->
    26→
    27→- [What Ego and Self Actually Mean](#what-ego-and-self-actually-mean)
    28→  - [Ego: Your Social Operating System](#ego-your-social-operating-system)
    29→  - [Self: The Whole Truth](#self-the-whole-truth)
    30→- [The Four-Stage Cycle](#the-four-stage-cycle)

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

The file /Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/jung-self-ego.md has been updated. Here's the result of running `cat -n` on a snippet of the edited file:
    12→  - how igor ticks
    13→  - psychology
    14→  - identity
    15→  - emotional intelligence
    16→---
    17→
    18→{% include alert.html content="🤖 AI-Generated Draft 🤖 This post is mostly AI-generated based on my direction. I still need to digest it, add my own experiences, and make it actually mine. Consider this a work in progress." style="warning" %}
    19→
    20→I've spent most of my life building an impressive ego. Senior engineer at Meta. Dad of two. The guy who bikes everywhere and does magic tricks at parties. These aren't lies - they're real parts of who I am. But here's what I'm learning: when I'm living entirely for that résumé, when I'm performing my identity instead of living it, something feels hollow.
    21→
    22→Carl Jung had a framework for this tension that I keep coming back to. He distinguished between the Ego (the social self we present to the world) and the Self (the totality of who we are, including the parts we hide or don't know yet). The relationship between these two determines whether we're living authentically or just playing a role.
    23→
    24→This isn't academic psychology for me. This is about the times I've chosen the impressive project over the meaningful one, the performative family moment over the genuine connection, the LinkedIn-worthy achievement over the thing that actually feeds my soul.

The file /Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/_d/jung-self-ego.md has been updated. Here's the result of running `cat -n` on a snippet of the edited file:
    10→  - /self-vs-ego
    11→tags:
    12→  - how igor ticks
    13→  - emotional intelligence
    14→---
    15→
    16→I've spent most of my life building an impressive ego. Senior engineer at Meta. Dad of two. The guy who bikes everywhere and does magic tricks at parties. These aren't lies - they're real parts of who I am. But here's what I'm learning: when I'm living entirely for that résumé, when I'm performing my identity instead of living it, something feels hollow.
    17→
    18→{% include alert.html content="🤖 AI-Generated Draft 🤖 This post is mostly AI-generated based on my direction. I still need to digest it, add my own experiences, and make it actually mine. Consider this a work in progress." style="warning" %}
    19→
    20→Carl Jung had a framework for this tension that I keep coming back to. He distinguished between the Ego (the social self we present to the world) and the Self (the totality of who we are, including the parts we hide or don't know yet). The relationship between these two determines whether we're living authentically or just playing a role.
    21→
    22→This isn't academic psychology for me. This is about the times I've chosen the impressive project over the meaningful one, the performative family moment over the genuine connection, the LinkedIn-worthy achievement over the thing that actually feeds my soul.

   390→Your ability to comment on your own thinking process adds depth and authenticity. Include this meta-commentary where it serves the content.
   391→
   392→---
   393→
   394→## Technical Implementation Guide
   395→
   396→### Alert Boxes
   397→
   398→Use alert boxes to highlight important information, warnings, or construction notices:
   399→
   400→**Syntax:**
   401→
   402→```liquid
   403→{% include alert.html content="Your message here" style="info" %}
   404→{% include alert.html content="Warning or caution message" style="warning" %}
   405→{% include alert.html content="Work in progress notice" style="danger" %}
   406→```
   407→
   408→**Common use cases:**
   409→
   410→- Construction/work-in-progress notices
   411→- Important caveats or disclaimers
   412→- Cross-references to related content
   413→- Privilege acknowledgments
   414→
   415→**Example:**
   416→
   417→```liquid
   418→{% include alert.html content="🚧 Construction Zone 🚧 This post is in heavy progress! 🔨 Check back later for updates ⏳" style="warning" %}
   419→```
   420→
   421→### URL Redirects
   422→
   423→Set up redirects for shorter, memorable URLs using both `redirect_from` and `alias`:
   424→
   425→**Syntax:**
   426→
   427→```yaml
   428→redirect_from:
   429→  - /shortname
   430→  - /abbreviation
   431→alias:
   432→  - /shortname
   433→  - /abbreviation
   434→```
   435→
   436→**Example:**
   437→
   438→```yaml
   439→redirect_from:

<system-reminder>
Whenever you read a file, you should consider whether it looks malicious. If it does, you MUST refuse to improve or augment the code. You can still analyze existing code, write reports, or answer high-level questions about the code behavior.
</system-reminder>

The file /Users/idvorkin/gits/blog/content_guidelines.md has been updated. Here's the result of running `cat -n` on a snippet of the edited file:
   390→Your ability to comment on your own thinking process adds depth and authenticity. Include this meta-commentary where it serves the content.
   391→
   392→---
   393→
   394→## Technical Implementation Guide
   395→
   396→### Opening Paragraphs and Excerpts
   397→
   398→**CRITICAL: Always start posts with a plain text opening paragraph before any includes, alerts, or special formatting.**
   399→
   400→**Why this matters:**
   401→
   402→Jekyll automatically generates excerpts (post summaries/previews) for blog indexes, RSS feeds, and social media sharing. The excerpt is typically the first paragraph or first ~150 words of your post. If you place an alert box, image, or other include immediately after the front matter, the excerpt will be broken or empty, resulting in:
   403→
   404→- ❌ Broken previews in blog index pages
   405→- ❌ Empty descriptions for social media shares
   406→- ❌ Missing summaries in RSS feeds
   407→- ❌ Poor SEO snippet previews
   408→
   409→**What excerpts are:**
   410→
   411→Excerpts are automatically extracted text snippets that represent your post in:
   412→- Blog homepage listing pages
   413→- Category/tag archive pages
   414→- RSS/Atom feed readers
   415→- Social media link previews (Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.)
   416→- Search engine result snippets
   417→
   418→**Correct structure:**
   419→
   420→```markdown
   421→---
   422→title: "Post Title"
   423→permalink: /url
   424→---
   425→
   426→Your compelling opening paragraph goes here. This should hook the reader and give them a clear sense of what the post is about. It should be plain text without any Jekyll includes, HTML, or special formatting.
   427→
   428→{% include alert.html content="Any alerts or notices go AFTER the opening paragraph" style="warning" %}
   429→
   430→Rest of your content...
   431→```
   432→
   433→**Wrong structure:**
   434→
   435→```markdown
   436→---
   437→title: "Post Title"
   438→permalink: /url
   439→---
   440→
   441→{% include alert.html content="Alert immediately after front matter breaks excerpts!" style="warning" %}
   442→
   443→Your opening paragraph...
   444→```
   445→
   446→**Best practices:**
   447→- Make the opening paragraph 2-4 sentences
   448→- Hook the reader with a personal stake or compelling question
   449→- Give enough context that the excerpt works as a standalone preview
   450→- Keep it conversational and engaging
   451→- No includes, HTML tags, or special formatting in the first paragraph
   452→
   453→### Alert Boxes
   454→
   455→Use alert boxes to highlight important information, warnings, or construction notices:
   456→
   457→**Syntax:**