Brain Attacks: A Better Model for Suicide

“Igor, what advice would you give a 20-year-old that just found out their dad killed themselves?” Sadly, when I was 20, I got a call from a family friend saying “Igor, you want to sit down, this isn’t going to be fun to hear.” My dad had taken his own life.

TL;DR:

• Suicide is an acute, fatal disease. Literally, a brain attack.

• Just like with a heart attack, there is nothing you, or anyone else could have done.

• Once the brain attack starts, it’s no longer the person that you love, and that loves you, it’s now the disease. I can guarantee you the deceased loved you with all their heart and if they were not having a brain attack, they would have understood the pain this caused you and not done it.

• Once the brain attack starts, it’s no longer the person that you love, and that loves you, it’s now the disease. Suicide method, notes, remains - that’s now just the disease.

• Just like heart attacks, suicide risk is hereditary, you have a predisposition that you need to take seriously.

The long version:

So, what advice would I give to a 20-year-old who just found out their dad killed themselves?

First, I want you to know that suicide is an acute, fatal disease. Think of it as a brain attack. It’s sudden, unpredictable, and devastating—just like a heart attack. Once it begins, it takes over, and there’s nothing you, or anyone else, could have done to stop it. You need to understand this, even though your heart will tell you otherwise.

It’s important to recognize that once the brain attack starts, it isn’t the person you love anymore. It becomes the disease taking over. The person you loved, and who loved you deeply, would never choose to leave you in pain if they had any control over it. The actions they took in that state—the method, the note, the finality—those were not theirs. They were the actions of a disease, not the reflection of their love or the strength of their bond with you.

Also, there’s something you need to know: suicide risk can run in families, just like heart disease. This means you have a predisposition, something you need to be aware of and take seriously. This isn’t meant to scare you; it’s meant to empower you. You can be proactive about your mental health. Seek support when you need it. Stay connected. Watch for the signs. You’re not alone, and you deserve every bit of care and love in this world.

Remember, none of this is your fault. The love your dad had for you was real, is still real, and nothing—not even this—can take that away.