Pain is in the brain as they say, which is especially true for mental pains. Pain isn’t the enemy though, pain is a signal. The pain system, when working properly brings our perspective to a problem so that we can deal with it. However, pain can also be phantom pain, meaning it is being applied when it should not be, or chronic pain, which flares up even though it is no longer providing value.
- The point of pain
- Pain vs Suffering
- Phantom vs Real Pain
- Types of pain
- Where’s the pain
- Pain and Suffering without progress
- Fueling the fire, adding meaning
- The positive analogs of pain: Pleasure, Satisification, Hubris
- Loneliness
- Physical Pain, Injury, Recovery
- Misc topics
- For more info
The point of pain
Pain vs Suffering
Humans need things to have meaning. To give our pain meaning, we usually add suffering. Suffering is the made-up story that transforms our pain from “I have a problem I need to address” to “he doesn’t like me”, “I’m screwed”, “I’ll never be able to show my face again.”
Pain is a good thing, suffering is the problem.
Phantom vs Real Pain
Types of pain
Desire to control
Doubt
Disappointment
Where’s the pain
Self
Control: Anxiety
Doubt: Self Doubt
Disappointment: Self disappointment
Other - From you, to you
Control: Controlling, loss of autonomy
Doubt: Abandonment, Taking for granted
Disappointment: Guilt/shame/Embarrassed, Unfair, 2
Remember, just because you can feel guilt/shame/embarrassed, doesn’t mean you should.
Process - In your life
Control: Anxiety
Doubt: Mistrust and Meaninglessness
Disappointment: Guilt/shame/Embarrassed, Unfair
Pain and Suffering without progress
Pain is often a signal to drive progress (like need to study for interviews, getting done performance reviews, etc). Once you’ve completed the progress, pain (and likely suffering) can go away.
However, through the power of procrastination/resistance you can have the worst of all worlds: the pain and suffering without progress.
The more lack of progress, the more pain and suffering, and then guilt and self-disappointment. Getting things done helps resolve this:
But some crib notes:
Allocate concrete time and goals Best efforts to get stuff done won’t happen.
Give yourself large blocks of time Don’t expect to grind through something painful in 30 minutes. This wouldn’t be painful if it was easy to do, you’ll often need time to get in the groove before you can make progress. Give yourself large blocks of time - like 2 hours at a time.
Don’t take a step forward and a step backward A great example of this is dieting. I’ll often diet for half a day and then gorge the other half. As a result, a half day of pain with no gain. Either diet that day or don’t. Similarly, if you’re studying write down your notes. If you just “think about it”, but don’t do a partial completion - complete waste.
Fueling the fire, adding meaning
Meaning: From Pain to Suffering
Humans need to apply meaning, in the case of pain, suffering is the meaning we apply. We should examine the meaning carefully, it drastically changes our experience.
Suffering of labor - 1 woman, 5 months in , 1 woman 9 months in. Suffering of hitting thumb with hammer: Carpenter, Convert Violinist, concert next day.
Meaning squared: From Suffering to Misery
Meaning is mandatory, bt we can mess up and apply meaning to our suffering. This is comletely unnecassary.
Victim: Nothing I can do
You can always have an impact - there is always hope. Even if the impact is just how you experience it. For example, you are influencing it, makiing it worse by investing in this victim mentality.
Note, this is infact the definition of depression. Learned helplessness.
Screwed over: It wasn’t fair
Fairness is an illusion. Life provided you no such gaurantee, so this is always a false thought.
The positive analogs of pain: Pleasure, Satisification, Hubris
Pain to pleasure - Pleasure, often of consumption, a sweet treat. But meaningless. Satis
Misery to Hubris
Loneliness
- Boredom is the loss of connection
- Loneliness is bad for your health
Physical Pain, Injury, Recovery
Perhaps back pain as an analog.
Just like your back carries a physical load, so too does your “psyche” carry an emotional load. And like your back, at any given time you have a maximum load.
Your strength/Load Bearing Ability:
Also like your back, there can be static structures that are mostly genetically rated - like the discs, there are also trainable structures, like your core muscles (or your analytic abilities) which you can train.
Initial injury:
- You exceed load-bearing ability of some structure (disc)
- Pain makes you focus, and stop injuring that disc.
- You stop, pain stops.
Wrong answer: But if all you do is stop, and rest for a while
- Pain goes away you’re good?
- Now the structure is weaker, so it will get injured again and even easier.
- This is a false start.
Right answer: Train smart: Gradual increase in load
- You need to slowly get stronger with a “lighter version” of the thing you have trouble with.
- You will feel residual pain, but it’s often just a “phantom/residual” pain. The more you do, the more it goes away.
Right answer: Stop doing high-risk activities
- At the same time, some activities you want to stop. For example, I stopped dead lifting, because the “precision required” to avoid injury isn’t worth the benefit.
Final load-bearing ability:
- Usually the dynamic structures are stronger.
Misc topics
Pride vs Self Confidence vs Hubris/Arrogance
Interesting - in Dr. Raph’s model, pride is good, arrogance is bad. The test for the boundary is “how impressive is the achievement?” Pride ducking with you is my post on pride and arrogance.
For more info
See Raph’s this