Pain is in the brain as they say, which is especially true for mental pains. Pain isn’t the enemy though, pain is a signal. The pain system, when working properly brings our perspective to a problem so that we can deal with it. However, pain can also be phantom pain, meaning it is being applied when it should not be, or chronic pain, which flairs up even though it is no longer providing value.
- The point of pain
- Pain vs Suffering
- Phantom vs Real Pain
- Types of pain
- Where’s the pain
- Pain and Suffering without progress
- Fueling the fire, adding meaning
- The positive analogs
- Loneliness
- Misc topics
- For more info
The point of pain
Pain vs Suffering
Humans need things to have meaning. To give our pain meaning, we usually add suffering. Suffering is the made up story that transforms our pain from “I have a problem I need to address” to “he doesn’t like me”, “I’m screwed”, “I’ll never be able to show my face again”.
Pain is a good thing, suffering, is the problem.
Phantom vs Real Pain
Types of pain
Desire to control
Doubt
Disappointment
Where’s the pain
Self
Control: Anxiety
Doubt: Self Doubt
Disappointment: Self disappointment
Other - From you, to you
Control: Controlling, loss of autonomy
Doubt: Abandonment, Taking fore granted
Disappointment: Guilt/shame/Embarrassed, Unfair, 2
Remember, just because you can feel guilt/shame/embarrassed, doesn’t mean you should.
Process - In your life
Control: Anxiety
Doubt: Mistrust and Meaninglessness
Disappointment: Guilt/shame/Embarrassed, Unfair
Pain and Suffering without progress
Pain is often a signal to drive progress (like need to study for interviews, getting done performance reviews, etc) Once you’ve completed the progress, pain (and likely suffering) can go away
However, through the power of procrastination/resistance you can have the worst of all worlds. The pain and suffering without progress
The more lack of progress, the more pain and suffering, and then guilt and self disappointment. Getting things done helps resolve this:
But some crib notes
Allocate concrete time and goals Best efforts to get stuff done, won’t happen
Give yourself large blocks of time Don’t expect to grind through something painful in 30 minutes. This wouldn’t be painful if it’s easy to do, you’ll often need time to get in the groove before you can make progress. Give your self large blocks of time - like 2 hours at a time
Don’t take a step forward and a step backwards A great example of this is dieting. I’ll often diet for half a day and then gorge the other half. As a result a half day of pain, with no gain. Either diet that day or don’t. Similar, if you’re studying write down your notes. If you just “think about it”, but don’t do a partial completion - complete waste
Fueling the fire, adding meaning
Meaning: From Pain to Suffering
Meaning squared: From Suffering to Misery
Victim: Nothing I can do
Unique: The world is not fair to me
The positive analogs
Pain to pleasure
Suffering to satisfaction
Misery to Hubris
Loneliness
- Boredom is the loss of connection
- Loniness is bad for your health
Misc topics
Pride vs Self Confidence vs Hubris/Arrogance
Interesting - in Dr. Raphs’s model, pride is good, arrogance is bad. The test for the boundary is “how impressive is the achievement?” Pride ducking with you is my post on pride and arrogance.
For more info
See Raph’s this