Shame and guilt are often confused emotions caused by self judgements that lead to contrasting behaviors. Shame drives people to hide or deny their wrongdoings while guilt, properly applied drives people to the correct behaviors. These are both examples of mental-pain and when the pain is phantom or cronic, are often well served by grandmother mind.
| Emotion | Judgment | Accuracy Test | Alternate Emotion |
|---|---|---|---|
| Shame | I am bad, I have been exposed | How as I exposed? Is that reasonable | emberassed |
| Guilt | I did something bad | What was my intent | sad/regret for outcome |
- Unrealistic expectations cause failures
- Unmet commitments harden into failures
- Failure hardens into guilt.
- Guilt hardens into shame.
- Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.
- Shame reinforces itself through rumination.
Catalyst for shame: Secrecy, Silence, Judgment Fixes for shame: Empathy and the tests
The tests
Shame - In what way was I exposed and is it something and does that make me inferior?
If the thing for which I was exposed was reasonable for me not to know, or for me not to have done, then I can be emerassed - I am human after all.
But I should not feel shame.
Guilt - What was my intent from the act?
If my intent was good, and I did my best, I can have regret, or be sad - am human after all.
But I should not feel guilty.
To help me remember places where shame has fucked with me, I’ll write out some of my experiences. The names below are changed to protect the innocent.
Good example
Antidote: TK