You survived young kids, marriage, house, some easy crises, and now it’s time for remember , a healthy woman has a thousand wishes, a sick woman - just one: Things i wish I knew at 42

• The 40s in Context
• Good news
• Bad news
• Pondering Some Time Off
  • The Gap Year Alternative: Why Wait Until 65?
  • Some lies about retirement
• Who this talk is for
• Balance
• Health - Goodbye my friend
  • Colonoscopy: The Ultimate Midlife Adventure
  • Vision: Welcome to the Arm’s Length Club
  • Other Health Stuff
• Themes
  • Optimizing vs Satisfying
• Decline - the self-fulfilling prophecy
• Some ideas from Ammon
• more ideas

The 40s in Context

Your 40s are a pivotal chapter in life’s journey. After spending your 20s trying everything and your 30s eliminating what you don’t like, you’ve finally discovered what truly matters to you. You have time and money, but health requires more attention. This is the decade to focus intensely on what you love, while being mindful of your changing physical capabilities.

For a broader perspective on how the 40s fit into life’s chapters:

Good news

• Your wisdom is way up.
• You are doing better accepting reality.
• You’re acquiring financial security
• You know you, and you’re good with it.

Bad news

• You’re per-domain peak is done.
• Your health is starting to decline, and without active investment will fall sharply

Pondering Some Time Off

Retirement is less about stopping work and more about achieving the freedom to choose how you spend your time. But here’s a thought: what if instead of grinding until 65, you took a full year off at 50?

At 50, you still have the physical capability, mental energy, and family connections that may be diminished at 65. The gap year isn’t about escaping work - it’s about making intentional investments in health, relationships, and mastery while you still have the capital to invest. These deposits compound for decades, but the window to make them is closing.

Three dragons guard this treasure: Scarcity (whispering you can’t afford it), Entropy (promising you’ll waste it without structure), and Squander (insisting it won’t matter). The real risk isn’t facing these dragons - it’s letting this window close unopened.

Some lies about retirement

Common misconceptions about retirement that I’ve observed and researched:

• “Work” is preventing you from doing the things you love
  • Reality: Work provides structure, purpose, and social connections
• You can self-motivate yourself easily
  • Reality: External structure and accountability matter more than we think
• You won’t experience a decline in social interaction
  • Reality: Work provides significant social connections that need active replacement
• You automatically have enough meaning and structure
  • Reality: These need intentional planning and cultivation
• Retirement means stopping completely
  • Reality: Modern retirement is about flexibility and choice, not complete cessation

Who this talk is for

Unlike the other talks, this one I’m writing when I’m 45, so it’s pretty relevant to me in real time. Hopefully others will find it helpful as well.

Balance

Health - Goodbye my friend

All those financial models from your 20s thinking about paying debt and saving for retirement, that all applies to your health.

• Non-disposable income health - You need health to do basic things like walking around, getting out of bed, and opening cans.
• Your income health generating ability declines, and you need large savings to draw from

• Sometimes you don’t enjoy building income health, but you need to do it anyways

• The health debt you likely took on in your 30s need to be paid back otherwise you’ll degrade quickly.
• Your body is no longer forgiving of incorrect movements, and healing is much harder.
  • Remember that your body is now at 75%. Marathons and deadlifts need to take a back seat to low-impact routines.
  • Find a way to exercise that works for you,

Colonoscopy: The Camera Nobody Wants to Be In Front Of

Personal note: I put this off for years. Then a friend got diagnosed with colon cancer and it scared me straight. Got the colonoscopy and guess what? Polyps. Multiple polyps. The doctor removed them during the procedure and I’m fine. Don’t be like me and wait until fear motivates you. Just get it done.

You’ll have a choice: poop in a box for three days (and mail it - yes, really), or get the full camera-up-the-butt experience. Take the probe - it’s much safer and you get the good drugs. Plus, you’ll wake up feeling like you just had the best nap of your life.

The prep is worse than the procedure. You’ll drink a gallon of liquid that tastes like sadness mixed with regret, then spend quality time with your toilet. Clear your schedule. Stock up on wet wipes. Your toilet will become your best friend for 12 hours.

The science: Polyps are colon cancer’s preview trailer. They start as small, harmless growths in your 40s. Over 10-15 years, some of them transform into cancer. By the time you have symptoms (blood, pain, changes in bowel habits), it’s often too late - the cancer has spread. The colonoscopy catches polyps when they’re still harmless and just snips them out during the procedure. Problem solved. Crisis averted. That’s why screening starts at 45 (or earlier if you have family history). Get your colon checked. Those polyps genuinely want to kill you.

Vision: Welcome to the Arm’s Length Club

Personal note: I knew I’d need reading glasses for a long time, but I kept putting it off. When I finally got progressive lenses, it was life-changing! I forgot how much I enjoyed reading and writing. I hadn’t stopped doing those things, but I’d unconsciously cancelled them out by being effectively blind at reading distance. Suddenly books and screens were crisp again. Get the glasses. You’ll thank yourself.

Around 40-45, your eyes will betray you. Presbyopia happens to everyone - even people who never needed glasses before.

The signs:

• Holding your phone at arm’s length to read texts
• “The lighting in restaurants has gotten terrible lately”
• Asking your kids to read the medicine bottle
• Your arms suddenly feel too short

You’ll need progressive lenses (or reading glasses if you’re in denial). Progressive lenses are like having three pairs of glasses in one: far away at the top, computer in the middle, reading at the bottom. The first week you’ll walk like a drunk giraffe on a tightrope. Then you’ll adjust and forget they exist.

Or you can join the reading-glasses-on-a-chain club. Your call.

The science: Your reading prescription is measured as an “add” power - typically +1.00 to +3.00 diopters added to your distance prescription. If your distance prescription is -2.00 and your add is +2.00, your near prescription is 0.00 (distance power + add = near power). That’s why some people with mild nearsightedness can just take off their glasses to read.

Progressive lenses blend multiple prescriptions smoothly: distance at the top, intermediate (computer) in the middle zone, and near (reading) at the bottom. Trade-offs: you get all three zones, but you have narrow fields of view for each and a “swim” effect when you first wear them.

Alternatives:

• Office progressives: Optimized for computer (middle) and reading (bottom), sacrifice far distance. Great if you work at a desk all day.
• Reading glasses: Single prescription for near work only. Cheap, wide field of view, but useless beyond 16 inches.
• Separate pairs: Distance glasses for driving, computer glasses for desk work, readers for books. No compromises, but you’re constantly swapping.

Most people start with progressives because they want one pair that does everything. Once you adapt (2-3 weeks), they’re fantastic.

Hearing: Can you turn that up?

While we’re on the topic of age-related changes, your ears also need attention. Ear wax buildup becomes more common as you age, and it can significantly affect your hearing. If you notice muffled hearing or feel like there’s something in your ear, you might have impacted wax.

Personal note: When you have impacted earwax, you can go to the doctor, wait 30 minutes to be seen by the doctor, wait another 30 minutes for the medical assistant to come clean it, then spend 30 minutes while they shoot water into your ear till a big hunk of wax comes out, then wait another 30 minutes for the doctor to come back and confirm it’s clean. Or you can use a mini shovel and a camera on a stick. Don’t use Q-tips - they just push wax deeper and can damage your ear canal or eardrum.

Other Health Stuff

• Eat mostly fruits and vegetables, and try not to eat too much.

Themes

Optimizing vs Satisfying

Decline - the self-fulfilling prophecy

Some ideas from Ammon

• Money isn’t everything. Try to get enough money, then turn your focus to other pursuits. While you’re getting enough money, don’t forget everything else.
• Of all the skills you can develop, kindness and compassion are the most important. Try as hard as you can to keep this in mind when interacting with your parents, your partners, your children, your coworkers, and strangers.

more ideas

• Prepare for the day when your employer casts you aside in favor of someone younger who has eagerly drank the kool aid and will work cheap.
• Don’t think about the past unless it’s a happy memory. Don’t re-examine negative outcomes through the arallax view of the present.
• This is your peak earnings, and peak productivity. You’ve got maximum experience and minimal mental decline.
• As you get older, you will decline, the work you do in your 40s will be the starting point for your decline, and simultaneously impact your rate of decline.
• If you always wanted a motorcycle or boat or tattoo or Corvette or whatever, now is the time to buy such things if you’re able. Don’t be upset if you can’t afford such things as vou’ve made it