Emotionally healthy folks can let it go, empathize with others, and most importantly, sleep well at night. Just like physically healthy folks do physical practices, like walking daily, stretching, biking, there are also emotional practices. Here are the ones I’ve been exploring.
I picked up, and also execute, these habits semi-randomly today. However, as I do with physical health, I’ll try to build up a more deliberate system. If you’re interested in building up your emotional intelligence, my “bible” for emotional health practices is currently SIY. This is also a key saw to be sharpened.
Active Practices
Daily Stream of Consciousness Journaling
Why? I’m a ruminator. Both positive and negative thoughts get stuck in a loop in my head, creating cognitive load, and distracting me from the present. By taking a few minutes to “drain” the ideas in my head, many of the ideas will go away, or at least be much less interrupting
How? Every day I take 10 minutes to write about 750 words as quickly as I can on the ideas sloshing around in my head. I do it on 750words which is optimized for this practice.
How’s that working out for you? Really well, this is my most consistent practice. Since September 2011, I’ve written over a million words on more than 1300 days.
Daily Gratefulness Journal
Why? It’s easy to focus on what we don’t have and what goes wrong, and forget all the things that go right, and that we should be thankful for. By taking a few minutes each day to remember what went well and what I’m grateful for, I’m reminded why my life is awesome.
NOTE Often we confuse appreciation for gratefulness, with the difference being gratefulness is targeted appreciation. It’s a good practice to include both appreciation and a target. In practice, this means for each thing you appreciate apply a who you’re grateful for, in 3 forms of “who”: Yourself, someone else, and the universe/god. This makes the practice build your ability to appreciate and be compassionate to others (by adding a value to your understanding of them). Let’s demonstrate an example:
I appreciate the sunrise:
- Universe: I’m grateful the universe includes something as beautiful as a sunrise, which is free to all
- Other: I’m grateful to my wife who put the kids to bed so I can wake up early and enjoy this
- Self: I’m grateful to myself who prioritized waking up early.
How? I used to use a physical journal called FiveMinuteJournal, it has you list the 3 things you’re grateful for in the morning, and 3 things that went well in the evening.
How’s that working out for you? Really well. Because I can fill this out in less than 2 minutes, I tend to do it daily. It’s hard to be objective, but since I’ve started this practice, I have been much more likely to think about how lucky I am.
4:30 am wake up (psst - it’s really physical health)
Why? 1) Every day starts and ends with a deliberate act 2) The quiet of the morning gives time to reflect and think before we’re lost in the hustle of the day and the demands of life.
How? Set the alarm at 4:30, and wake up when the alarm goes off. If you haven’t had enough sleep, that’s fine it’ll be taken care of the next night when you’re exhausted and fall asleep early.
How’s that working out for you? Amazing, I’ve been doing this for years now and love it. One of the hardest parts about this is thinking wouldn’t it be great if I just stayed up tonight to finish this, and remapping that thought to, if it’s important I can wake up early to get it done.
Formal 20 minute breathing meditation
Why? It’s easy for your mind to be lost, to keep it focused on the moment requires, practice lots of practice. Focusing on the breath is that practice of staying focused on the breath and noticing when your attention has wandered and returning it to the breath. Also an excellent practice for discipline, both in doing it daily, and in staying for the entire time.
How? Once a day at any time, in any position, I’ll set a timer for 20 minutes, close my eyes and focus on the breath. I used to try to sit in a fancy position, in a fancy spot, but that just increased the friction of meditation. It’s better to just do it where you stand. More details in search inside yourself.
How’s that working out for you? When I do it, amazing. My latest attempt starting in October 2020, got me up to 20 minutes. Because I tend to do this in the morning, and I like having a block of time in the morning, I had to move my wake-up time from 5:00 am to 4:30 am, which I love.
Box breathing
Why? It’s easy to stuff in anywhere I want
How? App on my phone getting me to breathe - in, hold, out, hold. Often do it in the car wearing my eye mask.
How’s that working out for you? Feels great when I do it. When I started I had trouble with 4 seconds, now I do 12s, soon 15s (which is cool, ‘cause you have 1-minute rounds). Also conveniently lets me become a nose breather.
Future Practices
Sublime States Training
Daily Reflective Journal
Why? Self-awareness is the basis of emotional health, and knowing our inner self requires answering a lot of how does that make you feel? and why is that? Journaling is a tool by which you can pose those questions and explore the answers anytime you have the time.
How?
How’s that working out for you?
Inconsistent/Future practices
- Process it once list
- Why is someone behaving inconsistently
- Poll the voices in my head
Discontinued Practices
- GratTweeting (very similar to daily gratefulness journal.)