The person that most frequently blocks your success is, wait for it, you! Often it’s your subconscious, and often your subconscious is a bunch of independent voices. It’s hard to deal with this hidden opposition because it’s so opaque. To help understand your feelings, you can name the voices in your head, and imagine asking each of them their positions and desired outcomes.
I’m not smart (or wacky) enough to come up with this technique on my own. It comes from William Ury, master negotiator, and author of Getting to Yes (and Getting to Yes with yourself). He talks about the importance of applying the negotiating principles to your unconscious. The principles are 1) Soft on people, hard on problems, and 2) Focus on interests not positions. (Just like 7H: Seek first to understand)
These are my voices. I’m teaching myself to spend time talking to each of them so they behave with compassion.
(BTW the order below is deliberate, it’s the order of the voices I want to talk to. I want to give more airtime to the positive players)
Positive Players
- Harry - my habits coach. Always pushing for more habits
- Carl - my confidence. Champion of success
- Peter - the performer, loves to juggle and do magic, and be goofy.
- Will - my willpower. Deliberate, strong, and steady.
- David - the Dad. Proud like a MoFo
- Gertrude - My grandmother mind reassuring me that I can take it easy, and I’m doing the best I can.
Positive Players (Need to hire)
- Harold - the Husband. Treating Love like a verb not a noun.
Negative Habits
- Prashant my desire to procrastinate
- Vern my desire to vegetate and not exercise
Anxieties
- Walter - my anxiety that I’m wasting my life.
- Ina - my insecurity that I’m a failure, around when Carl gets sick
- Terrance - my frustrations with my wife
- Frank - my guilt I’m not doing enough as a father.
- TBD: Add one for work anxiety, especially around calibrations
On the topic of anxieties
Anxieties (Retired)
- Gary my desire to gorge instead of eating healthy. Laid off once I started up on terzepatide
- Mo - my anxiety about money (retired since the stock market went through the roof).
- Wilma - my end of month anxiety around hitting my weight goals (Retired since I stopped this habit, but I should probably bring it back ;))
Appendix: Computer Diagrams
sequenceDiagram
participant B as Body <br> (and senses)
participant G as Gary <br> Gorging Elephant
participant W as Will <br> Will Power Rider
participant I as Igor
NOTE right of B: Gary ALWAYS gets the message first
B->>G: Cookies!
NOTE right of G: Gary ALWAYS says GORGE!!
G->>I: Eat them up yum!
alt
rect rgba(200,0,0,0.1)
NOTE over B, I: Most of the time.
I->>B: Down the hatch!
G->>G: Strength plus 1
W->>W: Strength minus 5
B->>B: Weight plus 0.1
end
else
rect rgba(0,200,0,0.1)
NOTE over B, I: When I'm at my best! <br> Will in da'house!
I->>W: Wait a second, do I really want a cookie?
W->>I: No! How will this help my pursuit of happiness?
I->>B: Now way, I'm strong
W->>W: Strength plus 10
end
end