Smiles, Joy and Wonder

emotional intelligence , emotion
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If you could have one superpower, what would it be? At 46, you’d think I’d have a quick answer, but the usual ideas—flying, invisibility, stopping time—felt childish. Probably the setting: a circle of 9-17-year-olds, breaking the ice, sharing their wished-for superpowers. As my mind scrambled, a mild panic set in. Nothing surfaced—until a bit of my eulogy came to me: Igor lived to see eyes go wide and mouths gape with wonder. He loved when strangers were drawn in against their objections, when a kid in meltdown, or an adult weighed down by life, forgot their troubles. Relief washed over me, I knew my answer. The super power I wished for:  bringing joy to others.

Completed Projects

Magic

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Straight from my eulogy:

Making cards change colors at a spectators command or passing coins through a spectator’s hand – Igor lived to see eyes go wide and mouths gape with wonder. Igor especially loved it when strangers got drawn in against their inner objections, or when a kid having a meltdown, or a grown up looking miserable, forgot their troubles. Once Igor learned magic, that consumed his free time and became his favorite tool.

Smile Startup

Juggling Fire

My well worn Juggling fire:

Bubble Bike

See my family journal about the Bubble Bike:

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And some fun videos

Ballooning

My early ballooning adventures:

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Chocolate Balls and Bells

  • Giving out chocolate balls
  • Giving out bells

Mismatched shoes, and crazy shirts from TEMU

  • First discoverd mismatched shoes, harder then it sounds, but crocks are great
  • Used to get fun shirts from thrift shops, but hard to find them. Then disovered TEMU had such shirts of ronly

Surprise birthday visit to my sister

Link the YouTube Videos (merge the two together)

Theory

Attributes of Joy

Joy is an involuntary experience that acts on you. You can be more receptive to joy, but even when you’re not you can experience joy against your will.

Increasing the receptivity to Joy

Joy is fleeting - that seem to be in the definition Joy is in the present

TODO Use Lens of Self/Other/Process

Safety: the precondition for Joy

  • Don’t want to look stupid
    • Think about teenagers wanting to look cool
    • This is why folks only sing in the shower
  • Don’t want to be ripped off
    • Is this a conn?
    • What’s your angle for doing this?

  • You can increase someones comfort by getting validation from others

    • Someone else doing it before you
    • Reassure person
    • Smile
    • Start with a small commitment

Joy is contagious

  • Performers spend lots of time building the first follower
  • The most important guy is The First Follower

Build rapport to make people feel safe

Check out the the like switch to see how an FBI agent builds rapport and makes peope feel safe.

Also look at notes from Avner class - who was all about building rapport with a stage audience

Why kids are more receptive to Joy

  • Thing are more novel
  • Naturally feel safe
  • Less need for validation of peers
  • Except things to be wholesome and good

Other things to file

  • Concerts
  • Figgie Pudding
  • Christmas Carols
  • Can’t help yourself but to sing along

Novely, Wonder and Surprise - Break the mundane

  • You need this to snap into the present moment
  • Some connection between joy and wonder
  • Some say when you clear your mind you feel joy (or bliss) (See the Joy of Happiness)
  • Wonder/Novelty snaps you out of the mundane and makes you feel important
  • Heaht brothers:
    • Moments; EPIC; Elevate the script
    • Made to Stick: SUCCESs; Unexpected

Joy and Overwhelming kindness from a stranger

If a stranger does something really kind for you unexpectantly, that’s kind of like joy

Joy versus pleasure

Pleasure is the release of tension. The going from anticipation of something positive to getting it. Eating chocolate cake, orgasm, getting to pee when you have to go. Eating a very tasty cake. Joy isn’t like that.

Things that bring most people joy

  • Babies (especially smiling, or holding your finger)
  • Baby Animals
  • Bubbles
  • Reacting to a smile
  • Beautiful singing
  • Singing out loud
  • Christmas Carols
  • Dancing

Manipulation vs Augmenting Experiences

This is especially relevant to magic. I think this depends on intent.

Many techniques in magic are around managing attention and molding the experience. You could look at these as manipulative. The test for manipulation vs augmenting experiences, is the intent. If the intent is personal gain it’s manipulative, if the intent is the experience of the spectator it’s master.

It is not manipulation if your intent is bring the other person pleasure.

It is manipulation if your intent is to take advantage of the other person.

Imbalance of Impact

Often the impact of magic (or Joy) can be intense, especially relative to the act.

I need more thinking here but something like.

  • Measure happiness in Moodles (Mu) see discussion in happy.
  • People have a happiness set point (SP) So
    • Default Happiness = SP
  • Doing something wonder/joy isn’t additive, it pushes someone to just above their SP, say SP+K.
    • Before - Happiness = Z
    • After - Happiness = SP+K
  • If the person is already close their set point, they don’t move their happiness much e.g:
    • Before - Happiness = SP
    • After - Happiness = SP+K
    • Delta Happy = (SP+K) - SP) = K
  • If the person is depressed, say half their set point, then the impact is huge:
    • Before - Happiness = SP/2
    • After - Happiness = SP+K
    • Delta Happy = (SP+K) - (SP/2) = SP/2+K (!!!!)

Role Models & Inspirations

Gayle - The Queen of Aggressive Kindness

One of my favorite inspirations is Gayle, a 78-year-old retired engineer with over 50 patents to her name, who now dedicates her retirement to “aggressive kindness.” Follow her story on Instagram @gayle.tales.

What makes Gayle remarkable:

  • She carries cookies everywhere to give to strangers
  • Wears silly fluffy hats because “people light up when they see the ears wiggle”
  • Brings weekly muffins to postal workers because “they have a hard job and deserve a treat”
  • Can’t pass a construction site without handing out Oreos
  • Proves that being “different” or “weird” doesn’t matter when your heart is full of love

What’s particularly inspiring about Gayle is how she combines whimsy with intentionality. She doesn’t just do random acts of kindness - she does them systematically, reliably, and with full commitment. She shows that bringing joy doesn’t require special skills or resources - just dedication and an open heart.

Her daughter’s initial embarrassment turning into deep appreciation also highlights an important lesson: sometimes what makes people remarkable is exactly what makes them seem odd at first glance.

Steve Irwin

Brought joy through infectious enthusiasm and genuine wonder. His “Crikey!” wasn’t just a catchphrase - it was an expression of authentic amazement that invited others to share in his joy. His legacy continues through:

Mr. Rogers

The master of gentle joy-bringing through authenticity. He showed that you don’t need grand gestures - sometimes just truly seeing and valuing people is enough to bring joy. His legacy lives on through @misterrogers_neighborhood and The Fred Rogers Center.

Different angle: I don’t know if I’d use the word Joy, but an amazing Man, shows up in makes me cry.

Patch Adams

A doctor who proved that medicine and joy aren’t mutually exclusive. He showed how humor and unconventional approaches can bring light to even the darkest situations. Follow him @patchadams.official.

Jimmy Darts

A modern joy-bringer who combines random acts of kindness with social media to create ripple effects of joy. Shows how even brief encounters can create lasting impact. Follow his adventures on Instagram and TikTok.

Different angle: Seems to be too much about giving money.

Future Projects

Here are some projects I’d love to get into

Smile box

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Bubble Show

Put on a magic show

Put on a kids birthday party

Crazy Dream Projects

Who knows, maybe one day I’ll actually get around to doing these.

Become an executive producer for shows

Own a vaudiville theatre

Humoursly, I always said this, and one day when I was at the olymics of magic (FISM 2022), I went to talk titled: So you want to own a magic, theatre - you’re probalby wrong. Snapped me out it.

Luckily Tori works in the arts, and I can say I’m a patron of the arts instead