Happy

emotional intelligence

Happy is a 5 letter word that many use as the answer to what is the point of life. The follow up question of “How can you be happy” is usually blank, so here’s my answer.

The Three Types of Happy

Pleasure through Consumption

The joy of consumption. Eating chocolate, watching TV, procrastinating. These joys are like sweet food, they have a jolt of pleasure, but they go quickly, and leave you wanting more.

Flow through Production

The joy of production. This happens when you are doing something challenging enough to keep you engaged, but easy enough to support continued progress. These joy is sustained for hours, and you know you’re there when you look up and realize you’ve just spent 4 hours (QQ: Is binge watching joy?)

Satisfaction through Identity Purpose and Self Actualization

The joy of identity, purpose, and actualization. This happens when you are supporting your identity. The doing can be miserable, but the satisfaction of being who you want to be is powerful, and lasts and lasts. Even thinking about your identity can sustain you.

The Equations of Happy

A good summary of happiness

1. Subjective Well-being = Genes + Circumstances + Life

2. Life = Purpose + Friends + Family + Work + Hobby

3. Satisfaction = What you have / What you want

The Pursuit of happiness

An interesting take on the pursuit of happiness. Note, the pursuit of happiness is different from the mood happy.

The pursuit of happiness is to the mood happy as climate is to weather. Fairbanks has a harsh climate, but can have some warm days. Even though there are some warm days, it is still a harsh climate.

By contrast, Hawaii is a super climate (or so I’m told) even though it will have the odd day of bad weather.

1. Inner Peace

2. Passion

3. Compassion

The Three of You

A week ago, I was at a gala, and I ate a few chocolate truffles because they made me happy. I suspect it was wonderful, but honestly I don’t remember if that was the case. Even worse, as I try to button up my pants and the pants are too tight, I’m feeling quite unhappy about eating the truffles.

In the above paragraph there were three “I”’s or “selves” being referenced. The present experiencing self, the future remembering self, and the future experiencing self. To concisely refer to these three selves we’ll call them the experiencing self, the remembering self, and the future self.

As you think of three different selves there are two big questions. First, when you thinking about the costs and benefits of an action, think through the cost and benefits for the different selves. Second, decide which of the three selves you want to optimize for.

With luck your present self enjoys this post, your future self remembers enjoying the post, and this prompts your future self to re-read and enjoy the post again.

Experiencing

Remembering

Future

Maximize Happy

Anticipate

Savor

Reminisce

The Idle Loop

Your Idle loop

Peak end rule

We remember according to the peak end rule, the average of the peak event and the last event. This is why you should end your vacations with something awesome (as opposed to fighting with your family). The most cited example of the peak end rule e comes from the world of colonoscopies. Normally the colonoscopy takes 60 minutes and ends with ‘maximum pain’, if the surgeon artificially extend your colonoscopy to 90 minutes at low pain, the patient remembers the colonoscopy as less painful, even though it contained the “painful colonoscopy” followed by additional less painful colonoscopy.

Moments

Most of life is auto-pilot (think about how a 2 hour movie, cover years of life). Think about how you drive somewhere and have no idea how you got home. Think about what you had for breakfast yesterday, or even today.

The things you remember are moments. Optimize for them.

At work

  • Moments at work [/moments-at-work]

At home

  • Moments [/moments]

Models of mood

Mood is an in the moment evaluation of the quality of the present moment. As a model,

State Description
Self My assessment of self
Other My assessment of others (including inanimate objects like possions)
Process My interactions with said objects
State Past Present Future
Self      
Other      
Process      

The Happy Killers

Anxiety

  • The difference between expectation and reality

Ruminating

Circle of Concern vs Circle of Influence

Pride

Pride

Pain vs Suffering

Shame

Imposter Syndrome

Physic Weight

Mind Monsters

Mind monsters

Mindfulness

Joy on Demand

A great book about how to savor things. I need to summarize separately, but it contains many exercises to feel good.

Quotes

Other Resources

The Algebra Of Happiness Book