I have a problem, an addiction, an addiction so detrimental to quality of life, it should be described as a disease. This disease is not being present. There are many symptoms of the disease, but today I’m going to talk about my most frequent symptoms, my body at home, but my mind at work.
Imagine if you had to work 80 hours a week, every week, but you wasted 40 of those hours being stuck and making no progress. That’s what happens when my body is at home, but my mind is at work. It’s obvious this flares up when things are going poorly at work, and non-obvious when things are going well. Having my mind at work is a waste - my life outside of work suffers, and no work is completed. Ironically, work suffers because you never clear your head.
Even though I have my mind not being present disease, there are times when I’m symptom-free. I’m usually symptom-free after a few weeks of vacation, or when something so amazing happens at home that I’m knocked into the present moment, even if briefly. For example, when my daughter, Amelia, gives me one of her incredible hugs.
I know medicines that reduce flare-ups of the disease, and when taken consistently keep the disease at bay. The medicine tastes terrible though, and because I’m acclimatized to the disease, I don’t even realize it’s degrading my quality of life.
Knowing and committing is half the battle, and of late the reduction in quality of life from the disease has been apparent. If you’re worried about me, don’t be – I don’t think the disease has been worse of late. This clarity has come from this year’s focus on emotional health. My increased self-awareness helps bring clarity to emotional constructs that are holding me back.
Thus, I’m working hard to reduce symptoms of the disease – in fact, I’m incredibly happy to say that since I’ve been on vacation, I haven’t thought about work since day one. This may sound like a low bar, but almost all of my life, for the first few weeks of vacation I haven’t been able to forget about work.
Future posts will document my journey, and the activities that support this.
Thinking about work at home is a habit
Whoa, someone told me something that blew my mind Thinking about work at home is just a habit! That means a few things, 1/ there was a time this brought me some value (need to introspect to see if it still does), 2/ I need to apply all my understanding/tools of habits.
The Atomic habit model looks like the below, with the generic advice on how to remove the bad habit:
| State | Description | Change |
|---|---|---|
| Cue | Idle/Mindless Time | Make it invisible |
| Craving | Make progress on my work | Make it displeasing (I don’t think this is the case) |
| Response | Thinking About work, often spinning | Make it hard (I don’t think this is the case) |
| Reward | Don’t think there is one anymore but back in the day solving a problem | Make it unsatisfying |
When most of the habit is in your head, it’s pretty tough to apply the habit change model. It’s very difficult to stop thinking about something, your best shot is thinking about something else. (Try this; Picture a yellow elephant for 10 seconds, OK, now try not to think of it - good luck).
Perhaps the thing to think about instead of how to change the habit, is how to create a new habit? Letting the old habit become the cue for the new habit. Trying out something:
| State | Description |
|---|---|
| Cue | Thinking about Work |
| Craving | Not miss a work insight, not spending more time at work than I want |
| Response | Write down what I’m thinking so I can process it when I’m at work, or realize I already have it in plan |
| Reward | Feel confident I’m not missing anything and I’m putting the right investment into work |
Workaholism
Therapists generally diagnose workaholism with three questions:
- Do you usually spend your discretionary time in work activities?
- Do you usually think about work when not working?
- Do you work well beyond what is required of you?
However, I have met a lot of people who cross over into workaholism, and I am guilty of this myself. Here are, in my opinion, better questions:
- Do you fail to reserve part of your energy for your loved ones after work and stop working only when you are a desiccated husk of a human being?
- Do you sneak around to work? For example, when your spouse leaves the house on a Sunday, do you immediately turn to work and then put it away before she or he returns so that it is not apparent what you were doing?
- Does it make you anxious and unhappy when someone—such as your spouse—suggests you take time away from work for activities with loved ones, even when nothing in your work is unusually pressing? (By the way, I’m feeling a bit angry and defensive as I write this.)
Workaholic in the context of Addiction
Sure makes sense when you read about addicition